


In Another Life

by Bee_Charmer



Category: Alicia Clark/Elyza Lex - Fandom, Elyza Lex - Fandom, Lexark - Fandom, QTWD, The 100 (TV), alicia Clark - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Soulmates, Technically FTWD but barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-26 17:25:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 34,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6248881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bee_Charmer/pseuds/Bee_Charmer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Separated from her family, Alicia Clark is saved by a stunning stranger, Elyza Lex. There's something about her and Alicia can't quite explain why, but she'd swear she's met this girl before. The more she's around Elyza, the more Alicia starts to question if the dreams she's suddenly having are dreams at all.</p><p>***</p><p>Alicia swallowed, tilting her head up slightly—regally—as she asked, “You said it yourself. ‘Not everyone, not me’. So why not me?” </p><p>Alicia watched the myriad of emotions dance across Elyza’s expression. </p><p>“What do you want me to say?” </p><p>“The truth.” Alicia’s jaw set as she tried to steady her racing heart.</p><p>“I…” Elyza halted, her voice shaking just enough for Alicia to understand how much Elyza truly struggled with what she was trying to say. “I knew you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Rounding the corner as quickly as she could, Alicia ran straight for what she prayed would be an open door. Locked. Fighting the urge to panic, she tried the next door on the block of shops she would have once mocked her classmates for standing in front of.  
  
Locked.  
  
Locked.  
  
She felt them getting closer, although she knew they still hadn’t made it around the corner; they still couldn’t see her.  
  
_Please fucking open._  
  
Finally, mercifully, she found a door with its lock broken—some thrift store stuffed full of clothes and too many things Alicia couldn’t be bothered to focus on. It didn’t open easily, but with one massive pull, she opened it just enough to slip inside. It was too late though. The first of the group following her had seen her and were already shuffling their way toward the shop. She needed to distract them, to send them off somewhere else, just to buy her enough time to figure out something else.  
  
She grabbed the first thing she saw and chucked it as hard as she could toward one of the cars abandoned on the once-quiet street. Immediately, the alarm sounded and the shuffling, stumbling… things started toward it. Flooded with relief, Alicia closed herself away from the noise of the groaning monsters and the blaring car alarm.  
  
The smear of blood left on the glass as she closed the door nearly took the last of her resolve. Seeing the blood made her aware of the pain in her palm. The brick she threw at the car must’ve cut her thanks to god knows what was stuck in it.  
Alicia gritted her teeth against the pain. Her hand stung, throbbing with every beat of her still racing heart. As if she needed something else to be upset about.  
  
Steadying herself, Alicia tried not to think about how close she’d come to being overtaken by the creatures. She tried harder not to think about the fact that she was now separated from her family which, of course, only made her think about it more. She had no way to get back to them, no way to know if they’d managed to get away.  
  
_Fuck._  
  
Hand dripping with blood, Alicia backed away from the glass front of the store. She had to find a way to get out, to get back to her family. Distracted by the thought, she didn’t hear the shuffling of clothes on the racks behind her. She did, however, hear the sickeningly wet moan just in time to register the sinking feeling in her stomach.  
  
“Get down!”  
  
Alicia didn’t have much choice in the matter. The girl who shouted at her shoved her hard enough to send her crashing to the ground. A cry escaped Alicia’s lips as the wound on her hand stretched under the weight of her body.  
  
Rolling onto her back, Alicia saw the woman standing over her, bloody bat in hand with a shotgun slung across her back. Then Alicia saw the creature, now fully dead, terrifyingly close to her.  
  
“Behind you!” Alicia stumbled to her feet, watching the blonde take out two more monsters with vicious swings of her bat.  
  
Breathing heavily, Alicia didn’t move as both she and the other girl waited to see if there were more of the things hiding in the store. Before Alicia was ready to declare the place safe, the other girl had already reached to the rack of clothes nearest to her for something she could use to wipe the gore from her weapon and body.  
  
Alicia watched silently, awed by the stranger dressed as if she’d waited for the world to go to shit just so she’d fit in.  
“So what’s your name?”  
  
It took Alicia an almost embarrassingly long time to realize the girl had spoken to her. She was too busy noticing the soft rasp of her voice tangled in a frustratingly blasé Australian accent.  
  
It took Alicia way too long to speak.  
  
The girl swung her bat over her shoulders, the leather of her jacket creaking with the movement. “You okay?”  
  
“Alicia Clark. And…” Alicia’s gaze flicked to the bodies of the monsters. “Yeah, I’m fine.”  
  
The girl nodded toward the droplets of blood gathering at Alicia’s feet. “Alicia, that hand of yours doesn’t look fine.”  
  
“It’s not that bad?” Alicia tried to stretch her hand out to the girl, to show her the cut was nothing to worry about. Why she felt like she needed to prove it to this girl, she had no fucking clue.  
  
“Right. Neither is the shit you escaped from out there, yeah? Come here.”  
  
The girl abandoned her bat and grabbed a shirt from one of the racks. Alicia watched as she tore it into strips of fabric with little effort. Without thinking, she held her hand out, letting the girl wrap her wound to staunch the bleeding. She felt a twinge of something deep within her as the girl’s fingertips brushed over her hand, something stronger than any déjà vu she’d felt before.  
  
“Do I know you from somewhere?” Alicia held her bandaged hand, thankful for the relief the pressure gave her.  
  
The girl chuckled. “Doubt it. And I’m pretty damn sure I’d remember a girl as cute as you.”  
  
Alicia blushed. “I…”  
  
“Name’s Elyza, by the way. Elyza Lex.”  
  
Alicia smiled at the way Elyza’s accent became more pronounced when said her name. “Thanks, Elyza.”  
  
“Don’t thank me just yet, we still gotta get out of here.” Elyza stuffed the remains of the shirt into her back pocket, creating a red flag for Alicia to follow as they made their way deeper into the store. “My truck is parked out back, but I don’t know how many of those things have been drawn closer thanks to the car alarm.”  
  
Alicia looked over her shoulder sheepishly, catching a glimpse of the growing number of creatures grouping around the car she’d hit. “Sorry about that.”  
  
Elyza shrugged. “It was quick thinking. You had a decent sized group after you. We need to move soon though or there will be more than we can handle.”  
  
“How do you—“ Alicia didn’t get the chance to finish her question.  
  
“I saw you and thought you could use a hand. Worry about asking me questions later. Is there anything you’d need from here before we leave? Grab it quickly if you do, but know I raided it a few days ago so there’s not much left.” Elyza eyed Alicia. “You have anything at all with you?”  
  
“No. I…” Alicia tilted her chin up, hoping to keep her fear from rushing back. “I got separated from my family.”  
  
“Ah.” Elyza reached in her pocket, drawing out a sucker and offering one to Alicia. She refused. “Well we can worry about that later too. It’s gonna get dark sooner than I’d like though and I’d rather be home before that happens. Get yourself some more clothes if you want ‘em. If you’d rather get the hell out of here, I’ve probably got what you need.”  
  
“You’re taking me with you?”  
  
With a cocky quirk of her brow, Elyza answered. “Why go through the trouble of helping you if I was just gonna walk away? Grab some stuff if you want it.”  
  
Alicia nodded. She knew she shouldn’t miss the chance to get something she’d need, but the thought of being around the bodies of the monsters and the ones outside she’d barely escaped from was too much. Like hell she’d show it though. So she stuffed a few clothes that looked like they might fit her into a beat-up leather bag some hipster would’ve probably paid an ungodly amount of money for just a few weeks ago.  
  
At the sight of the smirk present on Elyza’s lips, Alicia felt as though she’d missed something she shouldn’t have.  
“What?”  
  
The smirk grew into a grin. “Maybe later.”  
  
Suddenly self-conscious, Alicia lifted her new bag onto her shoulder, carefully avoiding putting any strain on her hand. “Whatever, then. Let’s go.”


	2. Chapter 2

Alicia stopped as Elyza held her arm out, keeping her from getting too close as she slowly opened the shop’s back door. Tightening her grip on the bat Elyza gave her, Alicia winced. The cut in her palm still oozed blood into the fabric Elyza so carefully wrapped around it. 

Through the crack in the door, Alicia could see several of the creatures outside. Elyza had opened the door carefully enough to keep from getting their attention and the car alarm on the other side of the building was still blaring, drawing the creatures away. 

Elyza pulled her shotgun over her head, disturbing her blonde waves just enough for her to have to push them back with a careless brush of her hand. 

Whispering, she pointed toward a barely visible dusty red pickup truck. “We make it there, we’re good. Stay low and stay behind me.”

Alicia felt her heart race as she nodded. She’d killed these things before, she’d had to, but the muscles in her legs burned from running for so long and her hands shook from lack of anything decent to eat. 

“Ready?” Elyza winked and slowly pushed the door open before Alicia responded. 

Without much of a choice, Alicia stormed out of the building on Elyza’s heels. Immediately, she saw that there were more of the creatures outside than either of them expected. There had to be at least fifteen of the things between them and the truck. Forgetting the burn in her muscles, Alicia took off after Elyza, staying as close as she could while still giving Elyza the room to clear the way for them with the butt of her gun. 

The bat was practically useless in Alicia’s hands as she struggled to grip it properly with her hand throbbing as it was. Still, she fought as well as she could, shoving the things away from her as hard as she could to buy herself more time. Her arms ached with each shove, as if her body was threatening to give out on her entirely. Mercifully, she and Elyza reached the truck before more of the things could start stumbling over the corpses they’d left in their wake. 

Ripping the door open, Elyza yanked Alicia’s bag from her shoulder and threw it in the truck bed before shouting in Alicia’s ear. “Get in!” 

Not needing more encouragement, Alicia did as she was told, slamming the door behind her as more and more of the creatures turned their attention from the car horn to Elyza, who fought her way toward the driver’s side. Alicia watched as Elyza raised the shotgun to take out the creature blocking her way. The thunderous roar of the weapon rang in Alicia’s ears as Elyza climbed into the truck, throwing her filthy weapon on the floor between them. She shut her own door right as one of the creatures smacked its decaying hands against the window. 

“Buckle up, beautiful.” A few seconds later and the truck came to life under Elyza’s control as she punched the gas, running over anything in her way. 

Alicia dug the nails of her good hand into her seat as they careened around a corner, escaping the group of creatures still gathering around the car alarm Alicia sat off. When they were a couple blocks away, Alicia relaxed and found that Elyza looked as if nothing at all had happened. For some reason, she caught herself smiling.

“Do me a favor, will ya?” Elyza stretched her arm toward Alicia’s side of the truck. “Open the glove box and grab the phone. I think the ride home needs some music.”

Alicia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as Elyza pressed something on the stereo system the truck’s actual owner had installed, revealing a USB port. Once the music was to Elyza’s liking—something with a woman’s raspy voice dancing along with a heavy beat Alicia couldn’t help but like—down went her window.

Several songs later, over the sound of the wind whipping through the truck and the seductive lyrics of a song Elyza seemed particularly fond of, Alicia yelled to Elyza. “So where are you taking me?”

Elyza’s blue eyes stayed glued to the road. “My place.” 

“Such a charmer. That’s all you’re going to tell me?” Alicia kicked the bat away from her feet. “I need to find my family and we’re going in the opposite direction.”

As if she could sense the conversation would last longer than she really intended, Elyza rolled her window back up and turned the music down. 

“Look, I don’t know where your family is. I’m sorry, but I can’t take you to them right now. I can turn around and let you see if another opportunity comes along?” Elyza slowed the car to a stop. 

Alicia sighed and released . “No, sorry. It’s just that…”

“I know.” Elyza’s voice was surprisingly soft in the quiet between them. “I can try to help you, but it can’t be tonight. I can get you back to my place and get you some food though. You look like you might need it. And a place to sleep.”

Alicia nodded, unsure of what else to do. “How far?”

Elyza’s foot found the gas pedal again and they were headed away from the setting sun. “Ten more minutes or so. It’d be faster if some roads weren’t blocked. And if I had a god-damned map to know if there’s a shorter way, but here we are.” 

“All right.” Alicia reached over and turned the music back up herself, a small apology for kicking the bat. 

Apparently content to let the conversation be, Elyza kept her eyes on the road. Alicia tried to keep track of where they were, but Elyza made too many turns, avoiding more sensible roads which were clearly blocked by abandoned cars. 

The longer she sat in the car, the more clear it became to Alicia how tired she was. She hadn’t been able to sit still—hadn’t been safe—in too long. Her entire body felt heavier than it had any right to and her hand still throbbed, the pain no longer dulled by the rush of escaping the store. To make matters worse, her stomach growled audibly, causing Elyza to look at her with something akin to pity in her eyes. That make Alicia feel something she was too exhausted to name.

Elyza came to a crawl as they rounded yet another turn. As far as Alicia could tell, they’d either traveled forty miles or four. Whatever the answer was, she couldn’t bring herself to care more than a faint whisper in her head telling her however far it was, it was farther from her family. 

The car inched along the road, avoiding the few other vehicles around. Alicia eyed the houses around her. Most of them bore the marks of military raids on the inhabitants, whether they were dead or not. Eventually, Alicia looked over to Elyza hoping for an explanation of why the car was apparently stuck going three miles per hour. 

“We’re getting close.” Elyza pointed to one of the houses up ahead. “Shufflers come when they hear noises. Figured it’s best to not rev an engine if I can avoid it.” 

“You call them shufflers?” Alicia rested her arm on the windowsill, tempted to get out of the truck and run the rest of the way to whichever house Elyza made her own—if her legs would let her.

Elyza shrugged. “Got a better name?”

The corner of Alicia’s mouth twitched. “Guess not. Shufflers it is.” 

“Well if you decide to take issue later, at least wait until you get some food.” Elyza coasted the car to a stop in front of a chained gate blocking the driveway to a moderate sized house that seemed to have fared better than its neighbors when the world ended.  


Alicia barely caught the keys Elyza threw at her. 

“Open it up for me, will ya?” 

Annoyed with herself for getting out of the car as quickly as she did, Alicia opened the gate for Elyza to slip the truck through. When the gate was locked once more and the truck parked, Alicia took a look at the house. It might not be the most elegant property Elyza could have chosen, but Alicia had to admire the safety of her choice. 

“So this is where you live?” Alicia watched as Elyza reached into the back of the truck. 

Her voice straining as she lifted a heavy box out of the truck bed, Elyza responded. “What, disappointed the fence isn’t taller? Maybe one day I can get some nice landscaping in here and paint the house. That’ll be better, right?”

Alicia rolled her eyes. “Okay, not what I meant.”

“I know.” Elyza winked. “Grab your bag and help me get this stuff in. I’m gettin’ hungry.”

The interior of the home looked as though Elyza had spent a decade meticulously decorating it to her standards. The whole house pulsated with the same quiet, intense energy radiating from Elyza with each step she took. 

“Did you really just find this place?” Alicia said, dropping her bag full of what she hopes were decent clothes to the floor and leaning Elyza’s bat against the wall.

Elyza heaved the box of supplies she carried onto a sleek black table and kicked off her boots before answering. “I bounced around for a bit until I found it. Seemed like a good enough place to settle since there weren’t many shufflers and there’s the gate and all that.”

“Yeah, just the gate you liked, I’m sure.” Alicia drifted farther into the house, her whole body protesting each step.

“Sit.” Elyza pointed to one of the leather sofas the previous owner had likely spent a fortune on. “You look like you’re about to fall over.”

Alicia tried to protest—she told herself she tried—but she couldn’t bring herself to do anything other than flop on the broken-in leather and hope her limbs would start to feel normal again. 

“Better, yeah?” Elyza said in a way that made it very clear there were few things in life she liked more than being right.

Alicia felt the corner of her mouth twitch into a flicker of a smile at how easily Elyza made her comfortable. “Maybe.”

“Uh huh.” Elyza grinned. “Maybe I’ll get more out of you when you’re not starving.”

Alicia, doing her best to hide her own smile, watched as Elyza shrugged out of her jacket. Her eyes grew wide and she shot to her feet at the unmistakable imprint of a bite mark on the black leather. 

With one eyebrow quirked, Elyza stared at Alicia. Not able to say anything, Alicia eyed the jacket, then Elyza’s shoulder.  
Elyza held up the jacket. 

“It didn’t go through. I’ll let you look for the bite if you want.” Elyza winked.

Feeling a blush creep into her cheeks, Alicia looked away. “I didn’t see one get that close to you.”

“Ah, that’s ‘cause it happened a while back. Learned my lesson after that one.”

“But you still go running to help random girls?”

Elyza quickly turned away to throw her jacket over a dusty, horribly uncomfortable-looking chair. She couldn’t be sure, but she thought Elyza might’ve hidden her face on purpose. 

“I was around and thought I could help. Sit back down and I’ll get some food, yeah?” Elyza disappeared into the kitchen before Alicia could respond—as tired as she was, she couldn’t ignore Elyza’s desire to brush her off.

“Wait!” Alicia stormed after Elyza, forgetting how comfortable the couch had been moments ago. “Let me help?”

There wasn’t much Alicia could do, but Elyza let her help anyway. Alicia hadn’t said it, but she did have the vague idea that Elyza knew exactly why she wanted to help. Alicia had been fine resting as long as she wasn’t alone in the room.  
With only a camp burner to work with, they made the heartiest soup they could manage out of Elyza’s supplies. It wasn’t anything anyone could call fancy, but the warmth spread through Alicia’s stomach and she would’ve sworn to anyone that it was the best thing she’d ever tasted. With each bite, she felt more like herself and her bowl was empty long before Elyza’s.

“Thank you.” Alicia pushed her bowl away sheepishly, embarrassed by the speed at which she ate. 

Elyza smiled and scooped another spoonful into her mouth.

“I mean it, thank you. For the food… and for helping me earlier.” Alicia tried to smile, but found she was unable. “And for agreeing to help me find my family again.”

“See? You’re much chattier with a full stomach. I knew it.” Elyza finished the last of her soup. “Don’t thank me yet though, I can’t make any promises about your family.”

“I know. For all I know, they didn’t make it.” 

Elyza shrugged as she grabbed their bowls off the table. “Maybe not.”

“How comforting.”

“Look, it’s not easy out there and shufflers are all over the place. You’re safe here, but I can’t guarantee they were as lucky. I’ll help you look, but…” Elyza trailed off without saying exactly what Alicia didn’t want to hear. Mercifully, she changed the subject. “So, are you gonna let me take care of that hand of yours properly?”

With food in her stomach and the fading urge to look over her shoulder for one of those things every two seconds, Alicia had nearly forgotten about her wound. “It’s probably fine.”

“Probably, but I don’t like taking chances. Come on.” Elyza headed toward a narrow staircase, grabbing Alicia’s bag on the way.  
Elyza’s voice faded as she climbed the stars and Alicia—once again—was forced to follow. Not that she liked the idea of being by herself. Not after the day she’d had. 

Climbing after Elyza, Alicia caught a glimpse of the darkening night’s sky through a mostly covered window. The house was small, well cared for by someone likely referred to as “eccentric” at one point or another, and safe. Safer than anything Alicia had stayed in since her world was ripped out from under her. 

Elyza stepped through a door at the end of a short hallway, throwing Alicia’s bag on the bed. “Thing is, this is the only bed. Well, there’s technically another one, but let’s just say the house was occupied when I got here and it’s still a bit messy in there.”  


Alicia felt her eyes widen as she shot a look back down the hall at the only closed door.

“Oh, don’t worry, there’s not a body in there or anything, it’s just a little bloody.” Elyza lit a large candle she’d placed on the lone nightstand next to the bed.

Alicia eyed Elyza, wondering what in the hell she’d gotten herself into. 

“Anyway, one bed. It’s yours. I’ll sleep on the couch.” Elyza pointed to the bed, shoved against the far wall. “Have a seat and let’s get that hand cleaned up. There’s all sorts of nasty debris on that street.”

“How’d you know I was in that store?”

“I’m the one who broke the lock a couple days ago. Apparently someone else came along and let those things in.” Elyza ducked into the adjacent bathroom. Alicia could hear her rummaging through a cabinet she’d apparently stuffed full of every first aid kit she’d found. 

When Elyza returned with a couple different kits in hand, Alicia started unwrapping her bandage, wincing as the cloth pulled at her still painful wound. Even in the candlelight, Alicia could see that the cut was deep, but fortunately not deep enough to absolutely require stitched. Looking up, Alicia caught the slightest hint of a frown on Elyza’s face before it was hidden as quickly as it appeared.

Alicia shoved aside the way Elyza’s concern made her feel. “And, what, you just needed to see if they had more leather jackets for you to wear in LA?” 

Elyza scoffed. “Cute. But no, I was looking for a map. As I said earlier, it’s hard to get around when you aren’t familiar with… anything. I figure if I find a map, I can extend my radius and not have to worry as much about making sure I have every damned street memorized.” 

“Obviously the best place to look was some weird vintage store.” Alicia held her hand out to Elyza. 

“I thought there might be…“—Elyza took the cap off something Alicia was pretty sure was going to burn like hell as soon as Elyza poured it on her hand.—“Wait, you’re being an ass.”

Alicia grinned. 

Elyza chose that moment to pour the disinfectant into Alicia’s palm. 

“Shit!” Alicia felt Elyza’s hand tighten around hers when she tried to pull back from the stinging pain. Firm but soft, the grip kept her in place as the pain faded. 

With a wink and a tender touch on the back of Alicia’s hand, Elyza spoke. “You kinda deserved that.”

“Could’ve warned me.” Any malice that might have been present in Alicia’s voice was hidden by her smile. 

“Could’ve kept yourself intact.” 

Alicia held her hand steady as Elyza carefully bandaged her again. The same feeling she’d had in the store returned. There was something so familiar about the way Elyza touched her. Alicia tried to think about why, why it felt like she knew Elyza, why it somehow felt wrong to happen like this. 

“Got any real tattoos?” Elyza, finished bandaging Alicia’s hand, pointed to the mark on Alicia’s arm. 

“No, this…” Alicia looked away from Elyza, suddenly too overwhelmed to look into those blue eyes. “Can we talk about something else?” 

“Ah, got it.” Elyza’s head tilted and Alicia knew she must be debating on saying something else. Whatever it might have been, Elyza let it go. “I know you must be exhausted. Get some sleep. Not that you need the extra beauty rest.”

Alicia tried not to smile at the cocky smirk firmly etched in Elyza’s lips. 

Growing serious, Elyza spoke again. “I know you’ve had a rough go. If you need anything, I’ll be right downstairs, okay?”  
With a nod, Alicia fought a twinge of panic at the thought Elyza would leave. “Can you—“ Alicia caught herself and didn’t give voice to the ridiculous words her mind supplied. Instead, she said, “Can you let the candle burn?”

Elyza paused, as if there was something she was also struggling not to say. Silence hung between them for just a second too long. 

Alicia rushed over her words. “Never mind, I’ll make sure it’s out.”

“No.” Elyza shook her head. “Leave it. The candlelight suits you.”


	3. Chapter 3

_The wind brushed across her skin in heavy strokes of summer’s heat. Breath coming in heavy pants, she spun her sword in her hand, daring her opponent to come nearer. When he made his move, a feral grin spread across her lips._

_Alicia—no, not Alicia, someone else—waiting until the last second to strike, driving her blade into the man whose scarred face twisted into an expression of pure hate. She was young, but it was not her first fight._

_Moving swiftly through the battlefield, she sought out someone. Someone she needed to protect. Someone she was supposed to stay with._

_“Anya!” Her voice echoed across the battlefield as she broke out into a run, heading toward a woman surrounded by warriors._

_She made it just in time. She almost deflected the blow, almost sank her knife into the man’s neck quickly enough, but not quite. He was dead before he hit the ground, but Alicia was not unscathed. His sword had sliced through her armor. She felt it, felt the sting of the wound on her arm with each swing of her sword, but she refused to acknowledge it until she killed every last scarred soldier around her and the woman at her back._

_When it was over, when it was only those she knew and trusted standing in the field, she looked._

_Black._

_Her arm dripped with blood the color of night._

\--

The unfamiliarity of the bed was the first thing Alicia noticed. Then it was the pain. You aren’t supposed to feel pain in a dream. You aren’t supposed to wake up and still feel the burn of metal slicing into flesh, but Alicia did. 

Her dream had been vivid, more so than any she could remember having. She fought against the sheets to run her hand over her arm, rubbing the spot where the pain still clung to her. She winced, forgetting her hand was actually what she’d hurt. 

Black.

Alicia fought the urge to unwrap the bandages Elyza had so carefully placed. 

With that thought, Alicia fully remembered where she was. The sheets around her smelled of earth, of dust baked into existence from a golden sun. They smelled of something so achingly intimate to her. 

She threw the sheets off, trying to shake off the dream and the feeling that something just wasn’t… right. As she had done every morning since she had to leave him, Alicia ran her fingertips over the last thing Matt would ever draw for her. The spiral was fading, but the ink remained on her forearm. With a sigh, she ran her hands over her face, pushing away the thoughts she knew made her weak. 

Climbing out of the bed, Alicia blew out the candle barely clinging to life. Her candle had burned through the night, consuming most of its wax and leaving the faintest trace of smoke residue on the mirror is sat in front of. She hesitated before extinguishing the flame, but there was little need for it with the light of the early morning sun peeking through the heavy curtains hanging over the windows. Pushing them aside, Alicia had enough light to dig through the bag of clothes she’d taken from the store. 

They were mostly awful. Alicia should’ve guessed there wasn’t anything she actually wanted to wear, but at least she had them if she got desperate. Assuming they fit, of course, and Alicia had a feeling that was unlikely. 

Alicia’s stomach growled, reminding her that she didn’t actually give a shit about the clothes she’d grabbed at random because some girl told her to. Heading for the kitchen, Alicia eyed the door Elyza had pointed to last night. Elyza had killed one of those things in there. Alicia shivered involuntarily, remembering the night her neighbor—no, the thing that used to be her neighbor—nearly trapped her. 

The top step creaked under Alicia’s foot and it was only then that she considered Elyza might still be sleeping. Slowly, she descended the stairs, silently cursing each board that protested her weight. The downstairs was eerily quiet and for the briefest moment, Alicia thought Elyza was gone. Then she saw the tanned skin of Elyza’s toned arm draped over the edge of the couch. 

Barely covered by a blanket, Elyza slept. There was no slightly irritating smirk, no cocky tilt to Elyza’s eyebrow and Alicia was struck by how peaceful Elyza looked. How… familiar she still seemed. 

Alicia shook her head, trying to rid herself of the uneasiness clinging to her. 

Her stomach growled again. Grateful for the distraction, she quietly began working on scrounging up something to eat. After several accidentally knocked over bags of cereal and cabinets closed slightly too hard, Alicia was shocked by the fact that Elyza hadn’t even stirred. Eventually, she stopped trying to stay quiet as she heated water for her oatmeal. After a brief moment of consideration, she made a bowl for Elyza as well. When it was all ready, Alicia found Elyza still spread out on the couch without a single sign that she’d been disturbed. 

Alicia sat Elyza’s bowl on the coffee table, hoping the sound would finally bring Elyza out of her dreams. It didn’t. With a sigh, Alicia fell into the seat across from the couch, content with eating her breakfast with her legs folded under her. When her bowl was mostly gone, Alicia saw Elyza’s eyelids flutter open as if it was the last thing on Earth they wanted to do. 

“You could’ve been dead.” Alicia tilted her head, waiting to see if Elyza would give in to her obvious urge to roll over and go back to sleep. 

“Sound sleeper, what can I say?” Still groggy, the rasp in Elyza’s voice was more pronounced. Elyza stretched, her shirt inching up her toned stomach as she did so. Alicia tried not to notice. “And would you look at that? Not only did you not kill me, you made me breakfast in bed.”

Something in the way Elyza said it made Alicia blush. 

“So how’d ya sleep?” Elyza dug into her oatmeal as she spoke. 

Thinking of the dream, Alicia shrugged and took a bit of her own breakfast. 

“That well, huh?”

“I had—“ Alicia shook her head, catching herself before she told Elyza about her dream. Why would she care? 

Elyza said nothing when Alicia cut herself off, but there was little Alicia could do to avoid the curious stare of the blonde woman apparently all too content to wait until she got what she wanted.

“It’s nothing. Bad dream is all.” 

At that, Alicia caught sight of some sort of understanding in Elyza’s gaze and she wondered if maybe Elyza wasn’t such a deep sleeper after all. 

“Well I can leave you here today if you need the rest. Not much use in dragging you around if you’re not up to it.” Elyza scraped the last of her oatmeal out of the bowl and stood to return the bowl to the kitchen, taking Alicia’s with her. 

“No!” Alicia was out of her chair and following Elyza into the kitchen before she’d thought about what she said. “I… I can’t sit around. I need to—“

Elyza waved Alicia’s explanation away. “You need to find your family. Got it. I need a map.”

“So?”

“Without a map, the only place I can take you is right back to where I found you. Now I don’t know about you, but I have a feeling those things are all over the place thanks to that car alarms so I don’t have a strong desire to head back. Do you?”

Much to Alicia’s irritation, her glare was met with a satisfied grin. 

Elyza continued, running her hand over her mussed hair. “Thought so. I get a map, I find a way around the mess and hopefully to wherever your family is.”

“I’ll go with you.” 

With a curious tilt to her head, Elyza said, “Sure about that? Even with the hand?”

Alicia challenged the questioning look on Elyza’s face. If Elyza was going to help her, she could at least return the favor in some way. Given the way her dream still tugged at the back of her mind, Alicia’s hand was barely a nuisance. 

“Yes.”

As if she’d never intended to leave Alicia alone, Elyza shrugged and grabbed the pieces of her outfit she’d seemingly thrown around the house without much thought as to where they’d land. Alicia eyed one of Elyza’s boots that had somehow wound up under a chair on the opposite side of the room. 

After she apparently didn’t find what she wanted downstairs, Elyza disappeared up the staircase, promising Alicia she’d return shortly. Alicia, without much else to do, waited. Alicia tore her attention away from a serious of black and white photos on the wall as Elyza stormed back into the living room, straightening out a mostly clean shirt over a pair of dark jeans that had seen better days and a knife strapped to her hip. 

When Elyza continued running around the house, moving through some routine Alicia couldn’t identify, Alicia went back to looking at the photos. The only reason she’d looked at them in the first place was thanks to one photo in particular. In a simple black frame was the image of a tower. Suddenly, the flesh of her arm felt as though someone tried to cut her to the bone. 

Gasping, Alicia threw her injured hand over her shirt, ignoring the burn of the wound in her palm to assure herself that there was no blood dripping down her arm. There was nothing. In disbelief, she stared down at the unmarred flesh of her arm as the pain dulled to the same ache that had been present when she woke from her dream. 

“Hey, you okay?”

Alicia turned to find Elyza staring at her, a look of genuine concern painted on her expression. 

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” As an afterthought, Alicia added, “Just my hand.”

Elyza settled her leather jacket on her body like armor. “Right.”

“We ready to go?” Alicia asked.

“As long as you are, darlin’.” 

Alicia could still see a hint of worry in Elyza’s expression. It was the last thing she wanted to deal with and if she could manage to convince herself there was nothing weird about what happened, she’d tell Elyza to fuck off. Instead, she stormed out the front door and into the morning’s surprising coolness before Elyza could ask her anything else. 

From behind her, Alicia heard a whispered “okay then.”

Some small part of Alicia felt a twinge of guilt and as soon as she reached the door of the truck, she turned around to see if there was anything she could help with. In answer, Elyza handed her the shotgun and a bag full of what looked like energy bars and bottled of water. 

“Open the gate for me and I’ll meet you out front. We’re not taking the truck today.” Elyza said.

Alicia felt her brow crease in confusion. With a wink, Elyza sauntered down the driveway toward the back of the house. Alicia nearly rolled her eyes when Elyza came back into view. 

“Oh, of course.” Alicia said.

Smirking, Elyza threw her hair over one shoulder, walking the black motorcycle toward the gate. 

“Makes it easy to get around when the roads are blocked.” Elyza said. “This one needed a little love when I found it, but I got it running again.”

“Wait, you knew how to fix it?” Alicia asked.

While Alicia fully expected Elyza to admit she was joking, Elyza answered her honestly. “Friend of mine back home is a damned good mechanic. She says she doesn’t like when people help, but she always managed to rope me into helping when I was around her shop. Pieced together what I needed to know and here I am, finding it more helpful than I would’ve guessed.”

Alicia dug her hands into her pockets. “Doesn’t the noise attract those things?”

“That’s why we’ve got a little bit to walk before we really get started. Hope you’re not second-guessing coming with me?” Elyza asked.  
Alicia couldn’t see her face as she spoke, but she was damned sure there was a smirk present on Elyza’s lips. 

“Obviously not.” Alicia fought the urge to reach up and check once again to see if the black blood from her dream stained her skin.

“Glad to hear it.” Elyza reached for the bag Alicia held to tuck it in the motorcycle’s saddle bags. Alicia flushed unexpectedly at Elyza’s next words. 

“Keep the gun and if anything comes after us, keep me safe.”

Something woke within Alicia at those words. 

_I always have._

The thought came crashing through Alicia’s mind. Dripping with the same fierce passion she’d felt in her dream, the words tore through Alicia until it felt wrong to try to push them away. With each step they took away from the house, Alicia felt the words settle into her. Elyza would be safe with her.

Alicia’s unspoken promise hung heavy in the comfortable silence that fell between them. Her promise was tested a few blocks from the house when Elyza flipped the kickstand on her bike and, drawing the large knife from its sheath at her hip, ran off toward a shuffler make it’s way out from behind a house. Alicia had the shotgun in her hands before she could even think. 

Before she could get close enough to take aim, the shuffler was dead at Elyza’s feet. Alicia’s heart pounded in her chest as she watched Elyza wipe the grime from her knife. 

“Why did you do that?” Alicia yelled.

Elyza shrugged. “Better to kill them when there’s only one and before they get close to the house.” 

Alicia, not willing to admit Elyza’s rationale was sound when she was still struggling to process everything else that had already happened before noon, slung the shotgun back over her shoulder. 

“We’re far enough for me. Ready to really get started?” Elyza asked.

As far as Alicia could tell, the distance Elyza deemed safe was chosen at random, but she nodded. 

Alicia watched as Elyza threw her leg over the bike, setting it upright with practiced ease. Climbing on, Alicia placed her hands carefully on Elyza’s waist. 

“I know your hand hurts, but I sure as hell won’t mind if you hold on tighter than that.” Elyza leaned back into Alicia slightly as she spoke, making it hard for Alicia to do anything but wrap her arms around Elyza just a little more.

Catching sight of Elyza’s grin in the side mirror, Alicia kept her hands where they were as Elyza brought the engine to life under them.


	4. Chapter 4

Alicia held on as Elyza wove through the abandoned cars and corpses littering the street. It was clear Elyza knew the roads well, although she hadn’t bothered to explain where she was leading them. Alicia had asked about twenty minutes into the ride, shouting her question into Elyza’s ear to keep the wind from carrying her words away. 

“I’ve got an idea!” Elyza had shouted. 

Alicia might have pressed for more information if it hadn’t been for the way her face burned from the realization that Elyza had turned toward her, leaving her cheek an inch away from Alicia’s lips. Fighting the urge to roll her eyes at her own reaction, Alicia still couldn’t shake the last of her blush’s warmth from her cheeks. 

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Between being separated from her family, her throbbing hand, and that goddamn dream, the last thing Alicia wanted to worry about was Elyza. 

The only thing that saved Alicia from falling further into her already confusing thoughts was the fact that Elyza took her hand off the throttle and brought the bike to a stop. Alicia looked around for any sign that they’d reached somewhere worth investigating. There were still abandoned cars, still bodies of people and bodies of things that had once been people, but none of the buildings seemed promising. Well, one did, but the door to the mechanic’s shop had been kicked in and Alicia had a feeling if she asked, Elyza would admit she’d been the one to do it. 

Alicia remembered she didn’t need to keep holding onto Elyza only after Elyza turned the bike off. Carefully to avoid the hot exhaust pipe, Alicia climbed off the bike, settling the shotgun more comfortably on her back. 

“Are any of those things around?” Alicia asked. 

“It’s been a couple days since I was over this way, but I’ve never had a lot of trouble around here.” Elyza answered. 

Alicia kept scanning their surroundings as Elyza walked the motorcycle toward a wall of tires propped up against a run-down building. There weren’t any shufflers she could see, but traveling by motorcycle wasn’t exactly quiet and there was no way to know how many heard their arrival. Keeping herself between Elyza and the street, Alicia kept an eye out for any sign of unwanted guests. 

The metallic ring of a foot kicking a can made her jump. 

“Easy there, sweetheart.” 

Spinning around, Alicia caught sight of Elyza’s amused smirk. 

Rolling her eyes, Alicia asked, "So why are we here?" 

"This isn't exactly where we're going. I can store the bike here, but we've got to go the rest of the way on foot." Leaving Alicia to catch up, Elyza started walking toward a cluster of buildings that looked as though they had been destroyed long before shufflers came along. 

"And you're not going to tell me where we're walking to?" Alicia asked as they walked along a crumbling brick wall to another deserted street. 

"You like being in charge, don't you?" Elyza quirked a brow. "Must mean I'm annoying as hell to be around." 

"No." 

"No, you don't like being in charge or no, you don't mind being around me?" 

Alicia felt the muscles in her jaw jump as she clenched her teeth. 

"Actually, don't answer that. I kinda like having to guess. And I certainly like leaving you flustered." 

Before Alicia could offer a retort, she felt Elyza's hand wrap around her wrist and pull her against the nearby building. 

"What--" 

Elyza pressed her hand over Alicia's lips, keeping her from saying anything else. 

"Listen." 

Alicia followed Elyza's command, fighting her pounding heart and the way her body hummed at the closeness of Elyza. When she heard it—heard them—Alicia's blood ran cold. 

Apparently seeing the fear in her eyes, Elyza nodded once, knowing Alicia understood that there were shufflers nearby... way too many for them to fight off. Alicia crept around the building for a better look, hoping beyond reason she was wrong. Hoping there weren't as many as it seemed. 

She was wrong. 

There were dozens of them, all stumbling toward what looked like an old sporting goods store. 

Elyza cursed under her breath, pulling Alicia back behind the building. 

"I thought you said there weren't any around here?" Alicia hissed. 

"I told you there weren't many a few days ago. You know shit changes quickly." 

Alicia knew all too well. She'd been about to die. Then Elyza had saved her. 

Then she'd had her dream. 

She reached for her arm again, wishing desperately for her dream to be the only thing she had to worry about now. She stopped herself as she caught Elyza's gaze. There was a questioning look in those blue eyes, a perceptive glint, and Alicia had to look away. 

"So what do we do now?" Alicia asked. 

"Well to answer your question about where I was taking you, the plan was to check out the store our new friends are heading toward. No chance in hell of that happening now." 

The sound of glass shattering in the distance made them both jump. 

Then came the screams. 

"There's someone out there!" Alicia ran from behind the building, rushing into the street. 

She vaguely registered the sound of Elyza's boots behind her before an arm wrapped around her waist and Elyza's hand was pressed over her mouth—much more roughly than before. But it didn't stop her from seeing the two men fighting to get away from the horde. They were running, but the two of them stood no chance against the shufflers surrounding them. 

"What do you think you're doing?" Elyza's voice was strained with the effort of pulling Alicia back to safety. 

Alicia realized too late that she'd made too much noise. A handful of the shufflers had heard the commotion caused by her and Elyza and began coming toward them, taking them for an easier target than the men. She felt Elyza's hands loosen around her. 

Alicia spun to face Elyza, fury burning in her gaze. "We can't just leave those people!" 

Elyza looked over Alicia's shoulder and from the widening of her eyes, Alicia knew there were more shufflers heading their way. 

"We can't do anything about it now. We have to get out of here before we're just as fucked as they are!" 

"We can't just leave them to die!" Alicia heard the things behind her. 

She heard one of the men scream. 

Heard those things getting closer. 

Alicia caught sight of Elyza's knife right before it sank deep in the skull of the closest shuffler. 

"We have to go!" 

Alicia knew it was true, hated every part of her that agreed with Elyza, but she knew it. There was nothing they could do, no way for them to fight through the dozens of shufflers and get to the people who were trapped. There was likely no point. The screams had already stopped. 

Elyza grunted with the effort of shoving one of those things away from her. 

_She is safe with me._

Alicia could not let the next screams be Elyza's. Something awoke within her and in seconds she was firing off two shots to drop the shufflers reaching for Elyza. The recoil tore into the wound on her hand and sound would bring more, but Alicia didn't care. Those things were too close. Too close to her, too close to Elyza. She emptied the gun before slamming the heavy weapon into the decaying skull of what had once been an exceedingly large man. 

"Let's go." Alicia said, feeling the thrum of something entirely new, yet eerily familiar coursing through her. 

"After you." Elyza quipped. 

With one last look over her shoulder, she began running with Elyza back to the motorcycle. By the time they reached the bike, they'd managed to outrun most of the shufflers chasing them. The few that lingered were far enough away that they would pose no real threat once they reached the bike. Still, though their pace slowed and Alicia's breathing steadied, she said nothing to Elyza. And Elyza seemed perfectly fine to leave her to her silence. 

The tense quiet continued after they got back to the house. Elyza retreated to her room under pretense of getting her things so she would not disturb Alicia later. Alicia barely heard her. 

The feeling that had taken over her was fading although she could feel the last threads of it clinging to her as if it belonged. She tried to hold on to how she felt, that rush, that feeling of invincibility to stave off the pain from her hand. It hit her then. 

The feeling. 

The rush. 

She did know it. It had been how she felt in the dream. And as if she'd startled it, as if the feeling were a live thing capable of being scared off, it was gone. 

She clenched her teeth again. She couldn't explain what was happening to her. The dream, her arm, the photo, the way she fought... 

It didn't make sense. Nothing made sense. Her thoughts were consumed by everything that couldn't possibly make sense and like a wave surging farther than expected, a brief image of her family flashed through her mind. It was the first time she'd thought of them. That's what she was supposed to be thinking about. That's what would make sense for her to think about. 

Not the dream. 

Not Elyza. 

Her family. 

_The dead are gone._

The voice was low, sure in a way Alicia couldn't fathom, but it was there and frighteningly, she felt it was true. 

The muscles of her jaw jumped again and she felt tears pricking her green eyes. It made no sense. 

Right as Alicia's tears threatened to well up into something noticeable, Elyza's footsteps fell upon the stairs. Alicia steeled herself, unwilling to let Elyza see, unwilling to put herself in a position of having to explain herself. 

"I want to check out more of the neighborhood. There are a few houses that might have useful things in them still and I want a to make this place safer." Elyza grabbed her jacket and tucked her knife away. 

Alicia couldn't help the words that spilled from her mouth, as if they were an echo of a thought gone unrecognized. "So is that what you do out here? Run around building your fortress and ignoring the people you could help? You let them die!" 

Elyza stopped with her hand on the door, looking at anything but Alicia. 

"Not everyone, not you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay. Things got really busy, then things got really terrible, then things got amazing, and now I am writing again. 
> 
> More dreams to come soon ;)


	5. Chapter 5

_Her knuckles were white on the hilt of her sword. She could not draw her blade, could not listen to the voice in her mind telling her to spill the blood of everyone from the delegation. She needed this peace, her people needed this peace._

_She reminded herself with every breath of all that she’d worked for. Even as the scarred warriors stormed into her throne room flanked by her own guards, she held her head high, kept her breath steady. She would not let them know how much they had taken from her, would not let them see the pain of waking up alone. She would only allow them to see the hope she carried for an end, the hope she carried for peace._

_They presented her with a gift—a message written in lifeless eyes that once held the world._

_The tang of rot and dried blood filled the air._

_Blood._

_Not black._

_Red._

_Not hers._

_Costia’s._

—

Alicia sat up with a painful gasp. Her throw at burned with every panting breath she managed, as though she’d cried for nights on end. 

“Hey, hey… it’s okay! You’re okay.” Eliza was beside her, hand resting carefully on her thigh. 

In the low light, Alicia could not tear her gaze from her hands. She expected to see the head she’d been presented in the dream. The head was gone. There was no blood, no lifeless eyes staring at her. 

_Costia._

The name meant nothing to Alicia, but she could not stop the ache from deep within her that welled up at the thought of it. The ache began to consume her. The feeling was different than everything, than all of the pain she’d felt since the world collapsed around her. This pain was old, rooted so far in her that it began to burn away the loss of her family, the loss of Matt, leaving her with nothing. 

The hand on her thigh shifted. Elyza’s hand shifted. 

Alicia realized then she must have fallen asleep on the couch. The couch Elyza had slept on the night before. The couch she’d settled into as she waited for Elyza to come home. She’d fought sleep as long as she could, beginning to worry Elyza wouldn’t return at all. She must have fallen asleep waiting. She must have dreamt. 

It was a dream, then, just another dream that felt too real. 

“What were you dreaming about?” Elyza’s voice was low, almost too much in the quiet of the room. 

“I was… It was…” Alicia stumbled over her words, fighting with the sense of loss inside her to grab onto what was hers. 

She held it all.

Elyza was there, so close to her. “You okay?” 

With a shuddering breath, Alicia nodded, collecting herself as best she could. “Yeah… Yes. It was just a nightmare.”

“It seemed like more than just that.” Elyza’s tone was steady, lacking any hint of a question. 

Alicia ran her hands through her hair. “You don’t need to worry about me.” 

“I might not need to, but I’m having a hell of a hard time stopping.” 

Alicia recognized the attempt at a smirk, but Elyza didn’t quite manage to hide the flash of embarrassment that crossed her expression. Before Alicia could say anything, Elyza removed her hand, quickly reaching for something as if she never intended for it to be out. 

Alicia caught a glimpse for the sketchbook and her chest tightened. “You were drawing me?” 

Watching as Elyza opened the book to the drawing she was working on, Alicia felt herself leaning closer. Not to look at the drawing, but to see the look in Elyza’s eye. Alicia did not miss the confusing display of expressions that crossed Elyza’s face. Alicia would have sworn she saw a blush—and felt her own cheeks warming at the thought—but there was hurt there as well, something that tugged at a deep part of Alicia, a part so close to where the ache of loss still coursed through her. 

Hesitantly, Alicia asked, “Are you okay?”

Elyza ignored her, climbing to her feet and closing the sketchbook. “You’re probably still tired. It’s somewhere around two in the morning so go on and head upstairs.” 

Alicia opened her mouth, but was cut off by the rush of Elyza’s words. “I’ve only been back for a little while and I didn’t want to wake you so I need to get this stuff put away.” 

“If you’re worried I’m creeped out by the drawing, I don’t care.” In fact, Alicia found herself fighting the urge to ask Elyza to show her everything, to see the broad strokes and fine lines she used to capture the world around her. 

Elyza said nothing, but Alicia wasn’t sure if Elyza had even heard her. 

Alicia stood, growing increasingly aware of the tension Elyza held in each movement. She felt guilt roll through her. “Look, if it’s about what I said before, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. You saved me and I…”

“It’s nothing, cutie. Just a bit of déjà vu.” And with that, Elyza was back to herself, sauntering into the kitchen with a bag full of god knows what slung over her shoulder. 

Alicia would have followed if she could gather her thoughts into anything resembling orderly. Instead, she crept toward the stairs, navigating the room carefully in the meager light given off by a few candles placed on the coffee table. Her dream, no, _dreams_ had passed the point of feeling like a nightmare. Never in her life had she felt something so tangible yet so… distant. 

The dreams felt like memories. 

“Hey, hold up!” 

Yanked from her thoughts, Alicia paused half way up the stairs. 

“I saw this in one of the houses and thought you might want it.” Elyza did not meet Alicia’s gaze for several heartbeats, but when she did, Alicia could feel her heart pounding harder and harder. “Maybe this is me over-stepping, but that drawing on your arm is fading. This’ll keep it around for a bit longer.”

Alicia took the bottle of clear nail polish from Elyza’s outstretched hand, opening her mouth to offer some sort of acknowledgement of the gift. She only managed to nod. 

“I used to draw all over myself when I was a kid. Used to drive my mom mad. So to piss her off even more, I’d cover the drawings I particularly liked with nail polish to keep ‘em on until she couldn’t stand it.” Elyza smiled then and Alicia caught sight of a warmth she was pretty sure Elyza didn’t care for people to see. “I know you didn’t want to talk about it and I don’t expect you to now.” 

“Thank you.” Alicia wanted to say more but the words would not come. She wanted to thank Elyza for thinking to get something so small for her. She wanted to ask so many questions about the patterns Elyza would draw on her skin. She wanted to tell her about the dreams. 

Hours would pass before she thought to herself she should have wanted to tell Elyza about Matt. 

Elyza spoke again, her tone serious. “Don’t let things haunt you forever. You owe yourself that.” 

Alicia felt her throat grow dry. Her hand tightened around the bottle, warming the glass as she fought the urge to retreat for some reason she could not explain. Then as suddenly as the tension wound through her, it was gone. 

“Rest up, Alicia.” The edge of Elyza’s mouth twitched toward a smirk. 

Though Alicia still felt the storm inside her, the corners of her mouth lifted into a small, vulnerable, grin. “Good night, Elyza.” 

Climbing the stairs to her room—Elyza’s room—Alicia felt slightly less like she would be consumed by whatever the dreams had awoken in her. The storm stilled, the confusion settled. And what was left was Elyza. 

Alicia made her way through the dark, sitting the nail polish beside the last remnants of the candle. With it lit and the light flickering across room, Alicia stared at the mark on her arm. She could cover it, let the nail polish keep it there longer. It would still fade though, she knew that. Day by day it would wear off and she would continue to fight, whether it was there or not. She would live, it would fade. So maybe she should let it. 

She left the nail polish alone, choosing sleep instead. 

The sheets still smelled of Elyza. Unlike everything else she’d felt since Elyza saved her, Alicia recognized the feeling fluttering through her as she sank further into the bed. She felt the blush bloom across her cheeks which only grew hotter as she thought about the way Elyza looked at her as they said good night. 

_Fucking hell._

She tried to think of something else, literally anything else, but that only made it harder for her to sleep. Thinking of Elyza was confusing, but that confusion paled in comparison to what she felt when she allowed herself to think of her dreams, her life, her former boyfriend, her family… who were taking up fewer and fewer of her thoughts with each minute she spent around Elyza, each minute she allowed herself to think of the dreams. 

Sleep began to overtake her. Slowly, carefully, almost hesitantly, it crept through her until it claimed her just enough to allow those eyes from the severed head to fill her mind. They weren’t Matt’s. She fought to convince herself the not-dream dream was rooted in a love she really lost, but they weren’t Matt’s eyes. 

_Costia._

That was the name, a name rooted so deeply it couldn’t be from a dream. A name of someone lost, the name of a love brutally ripped away.

The eyes were hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes when things go to shit, you want to escape into a world that's not your own. I might not be able to do much, but I wanted to get part of this story up today, even if it can only offer a small reprieve.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Brief mentions of suicide in this chapter in addition to the usual violence.
> 
> Also, back on track with the longer chapters!

Alicia awoke to the sound of someone in her room. Jolting up from her pillow, her heart pounded, terrified that one of those things had somehow gotten in. 

“Ah, shit. Didn’t mean to wake you.” Elyza stood at the foot of the bed, a dirty shirt dangling from her hands. 

Alicia stared. She was barely awake and Elyza was there wearing nothing but her jeans and a bra much more suited for a date night than the end of the world. 

“See something you like?“ With a smirk so heavily etched on her face Alicia thought it would never leave, Elyza reached for a tank top, slipping it over her head so slowly Alicia would’ve sworn it was meant to get a rise out of her. It did. 

Flustered and entirely unwilling to acknowledge just how much—and how quickly—her attraction was growing, Alicia threw her head back against the pillow. 

Elyza laughed. 

“What are you doing?” Alicia’s words were muffled by the blankets she’d pulled around herself.

“I thought you were looking closely enough to tell I was changing clothes. If you weren’t quite sure, I can always do it a little slower?” 

Alicia couldn’t even see Elyza but she knew without a doubt those blue eyes would hold a mischievous tint. 

In response, she groaned, which earned her another laugh. 

“Okay, okay, if you’re asking why I’m up so early, it’s because I couldn’t sleep. I thought I would try to get some things together for the day so we could head out whenever you’re ready. Clearly, I’m not as stealthy as I wanted to be.” 

As Alicia sat back up in the bed—and noticed with only a little disappointment that Elyza was fully clothed again—she had the slightest notion that maybe Elyza hadn’t tried all that hard to be quiet. 

“You couldn’t sleep?” 

At Alicia’s question, Elyza looked away as if she needed to find something. Alicia caught the way her eyes darkened before she turned and knew then Elyza wouldn’t want to talk about it. She tried anyway. 

“Nightmares for you too?” 

Elyza paused, still not looking at Alicia. “…Not exactly.”

Alicia opened her mouth to respond, but Elyza pushed on before she got the chance. 

“Don’t worry about me though, cutie. I’ll be fine.” The usual cocky tone was back in Elyza’s raspy voice. “Get up when you’re ready and we’ll go try to find ourselves a map.” 

When Alicia finally climbed out of bed, it was Elyza who was staring. It took Alicia a moment to figure out why a blush began to creep along Elyza’s sun-kissed cheeks, then she remembered she’d decided it would be much more comfortable to sleep in nothing but her underwear and one of the t-shirts she found in Elyza’s drawer. 

“Apparently I’m not the only one who enjoys the view.” Finally managing to catch Elyza off guard, Alicia strolled out into the hallway before Elyza could regain her composure. 

—

“We aren’t taking the motorcycle?” Alicia helped Elyza throw empty bags in the back of the truck. 

Elyza ran her hands through her hair, causing her blonde waves to fall around her leather-clad shoulders. “As much as I enjoyed you holding onto me yesterday, I kinda feel like listening to some music. Plus, the road I’m planning on taking today is clear enough we won’t need the bike.”

Alicia rolled her eyes but didn’t bother trying to hide her grin. “Are you going to tell me where we’re headed today?”

“I would if I knew.”

Alicia’s brow furrowed. 

“Trust me a bit, will ya?”—Elyza grinned—“I don’t have a set place in mind, but there’s a larger neighborhood nearby. I’ve gone through a little bit of it, but there are more houses and who knows what else. As long as it’s not shufflers we find, I figured we could grab whatever is useful. Gonna need to stock up for when we leave to find your family, yeah?”

“You still want to help me?”

In lieu of a solid answer, Elyza shrugged and threw the rest of her belongings into the car before climbing in. Alicia closed the gate after Elyza drove through, trying to accept Elyza’s help without overthinking it. She didn’t want to question Elyza, didn’t want to say anything that might make Elyza change her mind. Alicia wasn’t sure when it had happened, but she was damned sure she didn’t want to do anything that would push Elyza away. As for why, well, that was something she could add to her list of things to be confused about. 

Once she was in the truck, Elyza tossed Alicia a phone. “You do the honors, find us something to listen to.” 

Scrolling through the phone, Alicia laughed at one playlist in particular. 

“You actually have a playlist called ‘swagger’?”

“Friend of mine back home made it for me.” Rather than show the slightest hint of embarrassment, Elyza winked. “And you didn’t mind listening to it the other day.”

Alicia pressed play, letting the familiar raspy vocals and heavy beats fill the air around them. To Alicia’s surprise, Elyza started singing along, unabashedly letting her voice mingle perfectly with the singer’s for practically every song. Alicia smiled, hearing just enough of Elyza’s voice to know she’d rather listen to her than the actual band. Fortunately, Elyza was too focused on driving to see the look on Alicia’s face when the vocals got a little lower and the lyrics a little more suggestive. 

Disappointingly soon, Elyza reached over to lower the volume as she turned into what must be the neighborhood she’d talked about. The houses were larger than the one Elyza had made for her own, surrounded by lawns it would’ve cost a fortune to maintain and with none of the spray paint Alicia had come to associate with the neighborhoods that had once been under government control.

Elyza spoke. “It’s been about a week since I was here last so I don’t know what’s out there now. From what I could tell, these people had more warning about getting out of town. So there might not be as many bottles of water or cans of food, but there also might not be as many shufflers. We can drive around to get a feel for it, make sure there aren’t groups of ‘em wandering around, and go from there.” 

Alicia nodded, remembering the horde they previously ran into. As she thought about how they escaped, how she fought off so many of them, she felt a weird tingly sensation start burning at the back of her neck. She ran her hand over the spot, expecting to find something, anything, that would explain the feeling—there was nothing there. 

“Everything okay?” Elyza asked. 

“Yeah, I think a bug bit me or something.” It was a lie, but Alicia wasn’t ready to give Elyza a glimpse of everything unexplainable happening around her. 

“As long as a shuffler doesn’t bite you, we’re good.” Elyza brought the truck to a crawl as she turned down another quiet street and a smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Although I can definitely think of more enjoyable biting…” 

Ignoring Elyza’s comment—because she wasn’t sure if she could have responded coherently had she tried—Alicia pointed to a house up the street. “We should check out that one.” 

A smile still itching to bloom on her lips, Elyza let the truck roll to a stop outside the house Alicia pointed to. Alicia was the first out of the truck, taking care not to slam the door behind her too loudly. She couldn’t see any shufflers and the lack of bodies in the street made her relax a little

“Why this one?” Elyza asked as she threw her shotgun over her back. 

“Old car in the driveway and the house looks like it hasn’t been updated in the last thirty years. I don’t know about you, but my grandparents always had useless maps shoved into drawers.” Alicia couldn’t help but let the smug smile inch across her face at Elyza’s reaction to her plan. “No one except old people uses maps anymore. Or, they didn’t, at least.”

“Well cutie, I’m a little annoyed I didn’t think of that, but we can add this to the list of reasons I’m glad you stuck around.” 

“Oh, you have a list?” Alicia felt her brows rise in challenge. 

“There are a few things on it now, but I’m very interested to see what else you can do.” Elyza winked. 

Alicia tried to think of a comeback, but everything she considered made her cheeks grow hotter. 

With a chuckle, Elyza spoke. “Good call about the car, but it’s here when a lot of other driveways are empty so whoever lived here might still be around. You good with that?”

Alicia nodded.

“We’ll use the gun as a last resort so take this.”—Elyza held out a large knife tucked into a sheath—“I’ll be close, but I want you to have it. Although given how many I’ve seen you take out, you might be the one saving my ass if it comes down to it.” 

_It’s okay, you’re safe._

Alicia felt a warmth spread through her as she heard the voice—her voice—deep within her mind. She took the knife, unsheathing it and letting her fingers run across the handle one after another as the grip settled in her palm. The weight of the blade was comforting, familiar. 

Elyza grabbed her bat once Alicia indicated she was ready and they began slowly moving around the house, checking each window to see if there was any sign of someone—something—inside. Alicia kept her eyes out for any shufflers around the neighborhood or any in the houses nearby but the streets and manicured lawns were almost eerily peaceful. She heard a light scratching sound then, a sound so faint she wouldn’t have heard it if not for the stillness around her. 

Bloody hands pressed against the glass of an upstairs window in the house she and Elyza were about to enter. 

Reaching for Elyza, Alicia pointed to the thing. “Ready to go inside?” 

Elyza took one look and nodded. “Might be more, so stay close.” 

They tried to enter through the front door, only to be met with an unyielding lock. Alicia turned to go around to the back of the house to try another door when Elyza dropped her bat and pushed against the nearest window. Surprisingly, it gave with little effort. 

At Alicia’s surprised expression, Elyza answered with a nonchalant shrug. “People are really bad at locking windows.”

Alicia managed to enter the house as quietly as Elyza had, taking care to remain silent once she was inside what looked like a perfectly grandmotherly living room. She could hear the thing upstairs, hear the creaking of floorboards as its weight shifted. It wasn’t at the window anymore. 

Elyza motioned for her to follow into the next room. They crept through the lower level together, remaining silent as they made sure each room was clear. When it was apparent the only trouble they would find in the house was upstairs, Alicia paused with her foot on the first step. 

“There’s more than one.” Alicia was sure of the words she spoke, although she could not fully explain how she knew. 

Elyza didn’t question her. “Keep an eye out for open doors, but if we haven’t seen one yet, they’re likely trapped. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to take them out if I’m anywhere near them.”

Alicia nodded and began following Elyza up the stairs. When they reached the dim hallway, Alicia settled the knife into her palm, keeping her grip lose and ready. Every doorway except for one was open. Alicia could see shadows moving in the room at the end of the hall through the sliver of light pouring out from under the door. 

There were no signs of anything else in the house with them other than whatever was behind that door, but they slowly scanned each room, trying to avoid any surprises. Alicia stood in the hallway a few minutes later, starting at the door ahead of her. 

Elyza whispered, “If I crack the door just enough for you to get one, are you okay with using the knife? Then we can see if there are any more surprises.”

Alicia nodded, shifting her weight to the balls of her feet as she prepared for Elyza to open the door. 

The shuffler reached for them almost immediately, the decaying stench of the thing flooding the air around them. As soon as she had a clear shot at its head, Alicia plunged her knife down, ending the thing’s awful growls. The weight of the shuffler fell straight toward Elyza, forcing the door out of Elyza’s grasp. 

“Shit!”Alicia grabbed Elyza before she could fall into the room, pulling the blonde against her. 

The other two shufflers were already too close. 

She grabbed one of the shufflers, pulling it away from Elyza who was fighting to free her bat from under the first body. Alicia sank the knife deep into the skull of the shuffler in her grasp. The sickening sound of her knife popping free from the thing’s skull mingled with the sounds of the fight happening behind Alicia. She spun, leaving the corpse to trail a path of gore down the wall as it slid onto floor at her feet. 

She heard Elyza’s cry. 

She saw the jaws reaching for Elyza, the hands clawing at her. 

The knife was out of her hand before she could think about what to do. 

A second later and the thing was at Elyza’s feet with Alicia’s knife buried deep in its brain. 

Her throw had been perfect. 

_Attack her and you attack me._

Alicia wouldn’t notice that thought had been in a different language until days later. 

“Well damn,”—Elyza pulled the knife from the shuffler’s head and handed it back to Alicia—“You’re getting good at this.” 

The muscles in Alicia’s jaws twitched. 

“Let’s go grab the bags and we’ll see what this place has for us.” Elyza brushed past Alicia, heading back for the stairs. 

Alicia couldn’t stop staring at the room those people, well, what had once been people, had been in. Save for the gore, the bedroom was immaculate. There wasn’t a single sign pointing that they’d even considered leaving, just three now-corpses and two empty bottles of pills on the nightstands. 

Alicia turned, heading back down the stairs. When she reached the bottom, she heard footsteps behind her, felt Elyza’s hand on her shoulder. 

“Hey, you okay?” 

Alicia nodded. “I am. They did what they needed to do, now it’s the living who are hungry.” 

“Thank you.” Elyza’s voice was soft, so close to Alicia’s ear. “For helping me.” 

Turning, Alicia realized how close Elyza was, how clearly she could see into blue eyes. Her pulse quickened. Her eyes darted to Elyza’s full lips.

It was Elyza who stepped away first. 

“Let’s find what we can and get out of here.” Elyza said. 

Her voice lacked its usual power, as if every ounce of her cockiness and charm had been pulled from her. 

Alicia’s heart still raced. 

By the time they grabbed the empty bags from the truck and did another look around the house to make sure there weren’t any shufflers drawing too close for comfort, Alicia was able to look at Elyza without her pulse pounding through her. Even though she’d gained some manner of control, she couldn’t stop herself from blushing when she caught Elyza staring at her lips. As they gathered food and water from the kitchen, Alicia fought to stay focused on her task, but with Elyza so close, it was nearly impossible. 

Once they’d gathered every last can of food and bottle of water they could find, they split up to search the rest of the house. Alicia volunteered to take the rooms upstairs, but Elyza refused. Elyza was halfway up the stairs before Alicia had a chance to argue. 

Leaving Elyza to the second floor, Alicia turned her attention to the living room. It looked like every other grandparents’ house she could think of. Pictures littered the walls. Pictures of vacations, pictures of family, pictures of the people who had ended their lives to avoid the living hell around them. She could not blame the people who’d swallowed those pills. Looking around the room, it was clear they’d lived the lives they wanted. 

Alicia made her way through the other rooms, grabbing anything that might be useful—a roll of tape, some matches—all in all, not much. She couldn’t find a map or anywhere she thought it was reasonable for the people who lived in the house to keep one. Alicia had the brief thought that she should be more disappointed with that fact, but she wasn’t. 

As she scoured through the laundry room, finding a small sewing kit, Alicia heard a muffled yell from upstairs. She took off running, taking the stairs two at a time. Before she reached the top, Elyza leaned against the wall there, map in hand. 

“Looks like you were right, we’ve got ourselves a map.” 

Alicia’s breath caught in her throat at the sight of Elyza’s smile, at the way her blue eyes shone looking down at her. 

When she gathered herself to smile in return, it was not because of the worn paper in Elyza’s hand, it was because she wanted to do anything to make Elyza look at her like that forever.


	7. Chapter 7

Alicia sat with her legs tucked up beside her. The trip back to Elyza’s house had been uneventful, a fact for which Alicia was particularly thankful. Elyza seemed pleased as well, turning the music up to sing at the top of her lungs as they drove through the twilight lit streets with their bags full of supplies. When the music was over and they moved through the house closing curtains to keep their lights from drawing attention, Elyza still hummed.

The map had clearly taken Elyza’s mind off the shufflers they’d found in the house. Alicia couldn’t blame her, she knew Elyza had been looking for a map, but it didn’t stop Alicia from thinking over each step she’d taken during the fight, each move she’d made to ensure Elyza wasn’t bitten. She’d never fought like that in her life. 

But she had in her dreams. 

“So what’ll it be for dinner?”—Elyza dug through the bag at her feet—“We have, uh, canned chili, canned soup, more canned chili, and more canned soup.” 

Alicia blinked, staving off thoughts of her dreams for a little while longer. “Surprise me, I guess?” 

Elyza grabbed two cans from the bag with a grimace. “I also forgot to mention, but we’re running low on fuel for the camp stove. We should probably save it in case we need it to boil water or something…” 

Alicia laughed. “Cold soup it is.” 

“Don’t worry about it too much, I have a surprise that’ll help with the taste later.” Elyza winked. 

Grinning, Alicia shot back, “Setting an awfully low bar for yourself…” 

“Where’s the fun in giving a girl low expectations? I assure you, I’m an overachiever.” 

Alicia caught sight of Elyza’s smirk before she disappeared into the kitchen lit only by their small lantern. 

Being with Elyza was easy, easier than Alicia could have ever expected. The more time she spent with Elyza, the less she worried about the shufflers, about the world crumbling around them. The more time she spent with Elyza, the less she worried about her family, about losing Matt. Somewhere deep inside her, she knew she should be more troubled by that, but it was becoming harder and harder to even think about them. 

The drawing on her arm was fading quickly, worn away bit by bit from the sweat and heat and friction of living in this new world. She hadn’t used the nail polish Elyza had given her to preserve it.

Alicia thought she might regret that decision. Thought she might feel something as the drawing faded. 

She didn’t. 

Her previous life was over. 

Even when Elyza did help her find her family again, if that was possible, Alicia knew her old life was over. 

Elyza returned, carrying their cold dinners and sitting on the opposite end of the couch. Alicia took her bowl, thanking Elyza with a smile. 

Her old life was over, but maybe Elyza was right. Maybe she shouldn’t let the things that could have been haunt her. Maybe she owed herself a chance to be happy with a new life. 

A new life. One that might involve Elyza if Alicia asked her to stay. 

Her cheeks warmed at the thought. 

“God, this is fucking awful.” Elyza spoke around a mouthful of something that looked as though it was meant to be a stew. 

Alicia nodded, choking down a bite of her own dinner. She wondered if Elyza’s was somehow worse than her own overly salty, cool vegetable soup. 

Well, I was going to save this for later, but…” Elyza trailed off, sitting her bowl aside to retrieve something from one of her bags. 

Alicia laughed when she saw what Elyza had grabbed from the house. 

Holding up the half empty bottle of bourbon, Elyza grinned. “We made it another day without dying and we found a map; I thought we could celebrate.” 

“Are you sure you actually want to celebrate leaving this place?” Alicia’s question was more serious than she intended, suddenly all too aware of what she was asking of Elyza—of what it would mean if she asked Elyza to stay with her and her family. 

Elyza uncorked the expensive looking bottle, taking a small swig of the amber liquid. “Right now, I am celebrating burning the taste of that soup from my mouth.” 

Alicia wasn’t sure if Elyza meant to dodge her question, but she let it go, choosing to believe Elyza would say if she’d changed her mind about leaving, about helping her. Then it dawned on Alicia—Elyza was planning on returning to the home she’d created for herself. She clenched her jaw, feeling selfish for her previous thoughts of asking Elyza to stay with her, of asking Elyza to abandon the safety she’d found for herself. 

_When are you leaving?_

The voice was not hers, and yet it was. It was the voice from her dream, the voice of the warrior with black blood and a broken heart. The voice of a girl ready to have her heart broken again.

“Your soup must be awful too if you’re making that face.”

Alicia didn’t realize she’d been scowling. “Ah… yeah.” 

She quickly rearranged her expression as she took the bottle from Elyza. As soon as the whiskey touched her lips, she knew just how right Elyza had been about it burning the taste of her soup away. She fought back a grimace. 

It was still better than the taste of her food. 

“How’s that cut on your hand doing?” Elyza asked, sipping from the bottle again before placing it on the table in front of them.

“Hurts.” 

In truth, Alicia had nearly forgotten about it. Yes, it hurt. Yes, it was annoying. But there was a reason for the pain in her hand and that meant it was shoved far into the back of her mind as she tried to sort through everything happening that _didn’t_ have a reason. 

“Let me know if you need me to take care of it again, yeah? My mom is a doctor so I’ve picked up a few things from her. That, and a lifetime of getting myself into too much trouble.” Elyza winked again, although Alicia got the sense that it was more to hide her disgust at her almost empty bowl of stew rather than an attempt to suggest the ‘trouble’ was anything more than the usual teenage stupidity. 

“Is—was—your mom in LA?” Alicia asked hesitantly, abandoning the last bits of her dinner. 

“No. I flew here by myself. My flight home was supposed to be over two weeks ago. I made it to the airport right as I got the notification that my flight’d been canceled. Still not sure what was going on but there were too many flashing lights for me to stick around. I only found out later that things had gone to hell in the terminal and it was a damned good thing I didn’t try getting in.”

“Did your parents freak?”

“Yeah, I got one call off to my mom before this started for real.”—Elyza laughed, though it did not reach her eyes.—“Maybe she’ll have heard about this shit now and will actually regret having sent me here.” 

The couch creaked under Alicia as she reached for the bottle again. 

“You never said why you were here.”

Elyza shrugged. 

Alicia pushed. “You showed up out of no where and saved my life. For all I know, you fell from the sky.” 

At that, Elyza huffed a laugh. “Nah, nothing like that.”

Elyza took a long pull of the whiskey, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. 

Alicia stared at the full curve of Elyza’s mouth, at the whiskey still clinging to her lips. 

“School, supposedly.” 

Alicia’s brows in response and Elyza continued. “Well, it would have been school… maybe. I was here to visit UCLA. My mom wants—wanted—me to do pre-med. I wanted to do art. UCLA’s pre-med program met her standards and it was far enough away I figured I could at least manage to do art on the side without her knowing.”

“An artist.” 

Alicia thought of the sketchbook she’d seen, thought of the way Elyza had drawn her. 

“Think that’s a bad thing?” 

“No, it suits you. I’ve seen your work, remember?” 

Alicia smiled at the small hint of a blush that crept to Elyza’s cheeks. 

“That… wasn’t done.” 

Smiling as her heart skipped a beat, Alicia asked, “Do you want to draw me again?”

Elyza’s eyes bore into her. “Yes.” 

Whether it was the alcohol making her bold or her growing certainty of how she felt about Elyza, Alicia did not know, but she stared back, unflinching. Elyza’s blue eyes burned with something Alicia could not name, growing more intense with each heartbeat, each quickening breath. Her eyes flicked to Alicia’s lips. 

Then the spell was broken with a turn of Elyza’s head.

“I got something else for you today.” Elyza’s voice was soft. 

Alicia watched as Elyza moved across the room. When she returned, Alicia couldn’t help but grin at the many, many candles Elyza had taken from the house. 

Without saying a word, Elyza lit several and placed them around the room, creating a space Alicia could only think to describe in one way: _home_. 

“Thank you.” 

Elyza returned to the couch, choosing to sit a little closer to Alicia than she had previously. 

“I told you, the candlelight suits you.” Elyza grinned. 

Alicia couldn’t help the way the corner of her mouth lifted in response. She could feel the whiskey flowing through her, warming her. But she knew she didn’t drink enough for it to be the reason for the tightening in her core, for the way her heart raced with Elyza so close. There was too much left in the bottle for her to blame the way she felt on the whiskey. And too much left for Alicia to think it was the cause for the hunger she could see in Elyza’s eyes. 

She shifted, hand reaching out to rest on Elyza’s thigh. Alicia caught the way Elyza’s gaze flicked to her arm and the drawing that was now barely visible.

“I didn’t use the nail polish.” 

“I know.” 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said, about how I shouldn’t let things haunt me. All I’ve been doing since this shit started is surviving, all I did was follow my family around, trying to figure out the best course of action to make it through one more day.” 

Elyza leaned closer. “Maybe life should be about more than just surviving. Even if the world has gone to shit, don’t we deserve better than that?” 

“Maybe we do.” 

Alicia closed the distance between them, sliding her hand to Elyza’s neck, pressing their lips together so softly, so carefully. Elyza responded in kind, moving her lips against Alicia’s as if she was scared to break this thing growing between them. Alicia leaned closer, running her tongue across Elyza’s bottom lip, tasting the whiskey and the warmth beneath it, the warmth of Elyza. 

A building ache in Alicia’s chest threatened to tear her in two. She’d never kissed anyone like this, never felt something so _right_. 

It was exhilarating, terrifying, the way her need for Elyza built. 

She pulled away, a smile on her lips as Elyza rested her forehead against hers. 

A heartbeat later, Elyza’s lips brushed against hers again with a promise that the kiss would not be the last before the night was through. 

—— 

_Her shoulders were taught, head held high. She remained still, calm in the face of those who challenged her. She would get through this. For the sake of the people these fools claimed to represent, she would get through this._

_She climbed to her throne, her rightful place, to remind them who she was. She sat, staring at the woman who killed Costia, the woman who now moved to take everything from her._

_She would not let herself look at the blonde who remained seated, at the woman whose loyalty had saved her._

_“I’m the Commander. No one fights for me.”_

_Silence fell. The quiet before the storm. Then the skies burst and a roar grew around her as the traitors were taken away. She stared at the scarred queen until she was pulled from the room entirely, unwilling to let Nia think she feared what was to come._

_Those that remained were ordered away. All those except one—Clarke._

_Clarke, who she now owed so much to. Clarke, the girl to whom she would gladly give everything._

_As soon as everyone was clear, she gave in to her building urge. She turned her gaze to Clarke._

_Her breath caught in her throat at the way those blue eyes softened. She had not dared look at Clarke when Nia made her move, she couldn’t. Her eyes would have revealed too much._

_She would not let Nia know of her love._

_Clarke approached her, expression thick with something she dared hope meant that somewhere within her, Clarke’s feelings matched her own. Clarke’s raspy voice cracked as if she could only give voice to one word, one name._

_“Lexa.”_

_The pain of betrayal, the worry, and the weight pressed upon her shoulders fell away at the sound of her name on those lips._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter might get a little delayed due to Thanksgiving but it won't be like that time I disappeared for a couple months :) 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments feed a writer's soul.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! This chapter is a little short but since it looks like I might have to hand over my computer for a few days so it can hopefully get fixed, I wanted to make sure I didn't leave you waiting too long after the kiss ;)

A storm swelled inside her as she woke. Alicia held onto the sheets, heart pounding. 

The dream had felt more real than the others combined. 

Like the pain in her arm from the first dream she’d had of the warrior—no, she knew better now, the Commander—Alicia could feel everything from the dream. She felt the anger boiling within her, the pain of having hurt someone quickly replaced by a calm, a longing, at the sight of blue eyes. 

Blue eyes she recognized. 

She’d dreamt of Elyza. 

No, not Elyza. 

It was a different name in the dream, a name some part of Alicia knew was terrifyingly familiar. 

_Clarke._

Alicia tried to rationalize the dream as she had her others and continued to fail miserably. She could try to convince herself she’d inserted Elyza into the weird dreams she’d been having, but the dreams were still different than anything she’d experienced in her life. 

As was the feeling still blooming in her chest. 

She’d been angry in the dream, burning with a cold fury as she faced down her enemies. And that anger had faded as soon as she’d been alone with Clarke. Everything else had faded then, replaced by a sense of longing, of desire, of a wish for so much more. 

She realized that’s how she’d felt kissing Elyza. 

Then she realized she’d never before thought of the woman in the dreams as being herself. 

She froze, scared of the idea of the warrior, the Commander, in her dreams was _her_. 

It was impossible. 

As impossible as Elyza being the blonde in her dreams. 

Her brain was playing tricks on her, Alicia tried to convince herself that’s all it was. She’d kissed Elyza, tasted those lips and felt the softness of her body pressed against her own. Of course she would dream of her. 

Alicia’s cheeks grew warm at the thought of what kind of dreams she’d rather have if her mind was going to insist on including Elyza. 

She’d gone to bed alone, but that hadn’t stopped her from staying up a little longer, letting her hands travel a little lower, as she thought about what it might be like to do more than kiss Elyza. 

She groaned, climbing from the bed before she let herself think more about the dream, about the Commander, about Elyza, or about the blue eyes she was drawn to whether she was asleep or awake. 

There were no sounds coming from downstairs and no sign that the curtains had been drawn back to allow in the morning’s light so Alicia stepped carefully, not wanting to wake Elyza. 

Smiling, Alicia took in the sight of Elyza curled up on the couch, sleeping soundly with the map spread out on the table beside her. They’d been up later than was reasonable, until their kisses grew slow and relaxed, and yet it seemed Elyza was unable to sleep right after they parted as well, choosing to study the map that had led to their celebration. 

A floorboard creaked under Alicia, causing her to freeze. Elyza slept on, a slight curve of her lip, a hint at pleasant dreams, visible through the sprawling mess of her hair. Alicia didn’t want her to wake, didn’t want to disturb whatever dream brought such peace to Elyza. 

_Clarke._

That was the girl in the dream. 

That was the girl who looked like Elyza. 

That was the girl she would have done anything for in her own dream. 

Elyza stirred, stretching herself to the full length of the couch and sending a jolt through Alicia’s core with the low sound she made right as her eyes fluttered open. 

“‘Morning.” Elyza’s voice came out as a delicious rasp that did nothing but cause a knot to form in Alicia’s stomach. 

Alicia gave a nod in response, distracted by the flashes of bare skin she saw as Elyza climbed to her feet. Elyza didn’t look at her.

“I took a look at the map and I know where the store was where I found you. We can start our search for your family a around there, but we’ve got to be careful.” Elyza brushed her hair out of her face. “We should stock up on enough food and water to at least last a week or so. I doubt we’ll need that much, but…”

Elyza’s voice trailed off. 

“Elyza?” Alicia spoke the name softly. 

Alicia’s jaw clenched at the slowness with which Elyza met her gaze. She tried to fight it off, tried to ignore it, but Alicia could not stop the doubt from creeping into her thoughts—what if Elyza regretted what happened between them? She held her resolve, the only sign of her inner turmoil the slight flick of her gaze. 

Elyza shook her head. “Sorry, still half-asleep, I guess.” 

She wasn’t. Alicia could sense the lie. She watched as Elyza gathered cans of food, bottles of water, and anything she deemed worthwhile. Elyza didn’t say anything, didn’t look at Alicia as she moved around the room. 

“Do you want me to pretend like last night didn’t happen?” Alicia asked.

Elyza stopped, dropping a bag in her hand to the ground. “I don’t regret last night, it’s just… It’s that I don’t know what the hell is happening.” 

Alicia walked closer, brow furrowing as she saw the look in Elyza’s eye. The cockiness was still there, still firmly etched in the blue eyes from Alicia’s dream, but there was more. There was a sadness, a longing, a confusion Alicia immediately recognized as something entirely too familiar. It was a look she knew was in her own expression from the first night she’d spent with Elyza.

“You never told me why you saved me that day.” She wasn’t sure why those were the words that came to mind, why those were what some part of her needed to say. 

Elyza grew still, close enough that Alicia was all too aware of the slight height advantage she had, close enough for her to see the way her eyes darted back and forth, how they seemed to hold the same turmoil fighting to rise within Alicia.

“I saw you and knew I could help.” 

She swallowed, tilting her head up slightly—regally—as she asked, “You said it yourself. ‘Not everyone, not me’. So why not me?” 

Alicia watched the myriad of emotions dance across Elyza’s expression. 

“What do you want me to say?” 

“The truth.” Alicia’s jaw set as she tried to steady her racing heart.

“I…” Elyza halted, her voice shaking just enough for Alicia to understand how much Elyza truly struggled with what she was trying to say. “I knew you.” 

Alicia’s breath caught as Elyza stepped away as if she was unable to look Alicia in the eye any longer. 

“I don’t know how and I can’t explain it, but I knew you. When I saw you running, I didn’t even think, I took off after you. I had to get you out of there but the part that needed to save you felt like a different version of myself.” Elyza’s explanation came out in a tumbling of words. Rushed, half-crazed, as if she could barely believe what she’d said. 

Alicia nodded slightly. “You could have told me.” 

Elyza laughed, running her hands through her wild waves of hair. “And how well would that have gone? Me trying to explain the impossible to a cute girl I just saved. You would’ve bashed my head in with my own bat.” 

“About as well as me trying to explain how I know how to fight, I imagine.” 

Alicia caught Elyza’s gaze, trying to decide if she should say more, if she should mention the dreams. If she should mention Clarke.

“We should go. We’ll have to find a place to stay for the night and we don’t want to be caught out too late.” Elyza grabbed a bag and walked out the door before Alicia could respond.


	9. Chapter 9

The car ride was tense. Silent. 

Alicia didn’t know if she should ignore the familiarity she and Elyza felt or if she should tell Elyza about her dreams, tell her she wasn’t the only one. She didn’t know if she should press Elyza on what she’d meant when she mentioned the recognition or why concerns for her family had become fainter and fainter with each passing hour, why thoughts of Elyza had grown from sparks to an inferno. 

She didn’t know if she minded the shift. 

That lack of worry, lack of caring terrified her. 

If she allowed the shift to happen and allowed herself to fan the flames of whatever dreams Elyza ignited, some part of her knew it would mean the end of the Alicia her family knew, the end of the Alicia who had a family. And yet, she found herself more and more tempted to let go each time she caught Elyza’s gaze, each time she thought of herself in those dreams. 

Alicia knew, too, Elyza risked more than she wanted to admit in order to help her. Elyza risked her life, the safety she’d found for herself, and all to get Alicia back to a life that felt less like hers than ever. 

Elyza’s voice broke the silence. “I found you up here, just around the corner.” 

Feeling her jaw twitch, Alicia struggled to not care about the raspiness in Elyza’s voice, to not care about the way it sounded as if her throat had been fighting to stamp down anything she’d wanted to say since they left the house. Failing, wanting nothing more than to know what had been playing through Elyza’s mind, Alicia only nodded, scared her voice would betray her. 

“Do you know which direction you ran in from?” Elyza asked, words clipped as if each syllable was a battle. 

Elyza’s whole body was rigid. Alicia knew she shouldn’t be able to tell, not when the signs were barely noticeable—a faint line at the corner of her eye, a hint of stiffness in the way her hand draped over the steering wheel—but they were there. Alicia rested her hand on Elyza’s shoulder as she pointed and immediately, come of the tension fell from Elyza’s body. 

Alicia knew it would. Knew it, because she’d felt it happen under her hands in a dream. 

She let her hand fall to the seat of the truck as she spoke. “I know I came from the direction of that neighborhood, but I turned a few times as I ran and I’d been running for a while when I tried to hide in the store.” 

Elyza nodded and dropped the truck’s speed to a crawl. “We’ll drive around for a bit to get a feel for the area, but it might not be until tomorrow until we actively start searching, you good with that?” 

“It’s fine.” Alicia’s answer was a little too quick, hinted a little too much at the war playing out in her mind. 

Elyza’s mouth quirked. “Good to hear you aren’t too eager to get rid of me.” 

The smile stretching across Alicia’s lips was unstoppable. She was glad to have Elyza joking with her again, glad the tension was starting to fall away, glad to have something she was entirely sure of—she didn’t want Elyza going anywhere. 

“Thank you.” Alicia said.

“You don’t need to do that.” 

“I want to.”

Elyza opened her mouth as if she would say something else. Alicia almost wished she would, almost wished Elyza would tell her more about why she was helping her. She forgot that desire when she saw the way Elyza’s gaze softened when it fell to her lips. 

Eventually, after what felt like minutes with Alicia’s heart quickening at the thought of pressing her lips to Elyza’s again, Elyza responded. 

“I wanted to help. I needed to.” She paused, clearly working through the words she would say next. “And I still don’t fucking know why, but I meant what I said earlier and I still feel it now.” 

Her tone wasn’t as serious as it had been when she first admitted she felt the familiarity—the pull—but Alicia could sense how the words had been forced from Elyza’s throat, how they’d fought to stay hidden. 

“Me too.” 

Alicia was too scared to say anything else. Scared of what she might have to try to explain if she said more. Fortunately, the two words were enough. Elyza nodded once, eyes searching Alicia’s as if there could be more found without asking, as if she, too, was afraid to give voice to the things running through her mind. 

The store where Alicia had first run into—been saved by—Elyza came into view. The shop and the stores around it were still, no signs of recently disturbed entrances or things waiting in the dark beyond the doors and windows. 

Alicia looked around at the empty streets, noticing the car she’d thrown a brick against as a distraction. “Where are the shufflers?” 

Elyza shrugged, although it lacked her usual air of nonchalance. “They can move on quickly. Someone else might’ve caught their attention when the car battery died. If we’re lucky, they’re miles away by now.” 

As they drove, the streets were eerily still. Neither Alicia nor Elyza addressed it, but they were used to seeing at least a handful of shufflers around. Alicia expected to relax more with each minute that passed without seeing one of those things stumbling through a yard or crawling across the street but the silence was unnerving. 

“Look at it this way, it’ll make it easier to see any signs of your family? And it’ll definitely make it easier to find a place for the night, yeah?” Elyza joked. 

The comment fell flat, lacking the cockiness Elyza usually infused into everything she said. Alicia forced a smile in response though, trying not to hint at her own sense of unease as they turned into the neighborhood she’d run through with a horde on her heels. With each turn, she expected to find the group of shufflers but they were met with calm no matter which street they crept along under the slowly setting sun. 

“The truck is getting lower on gas than I’d like. Keep an eye out for houses with cars in the driveway, will you?” Elyza asked. 

“Houses with cars might not be empty.” 

Most people had fled from the looks of driveways as abandoned as the roads around them and there was no way to tell which garages held anything worthwhile.

“No, but I’m worrying less and less about your ability to keep my ass safe.” Elyza winked and it was almost as if the tension they’d felt before never existed. 

Alicia smiled. 

Where she once would have flinched away from the comment, she felt a warmth grow in her chest. She knew Elyza was right. 

The acceptance scared her less than she knew it should have.

“If we’re lucky, a driveway full of cars will be next to a place we can easily clear out.” Elyza said. “If we have to take out a few of those things, so be it, but I don’t want to be dumbasses about it.” 

Alicia huffed a laugh. “I don’t think this neighborhood is very large, but hopefully there’s something around and I seem to remember passing a few cars. I also don’t know how reliable I am, I was kind of distracted when I was running through here…” 

“Well the sun will set here in a bit and I’m inclined to pick a place sooner rather than later.” 

Soon, they turned a corner and Alicia pointed to a house down the block. “Two cars in the driveway there. Doesn’t look like someone was throwing a party or anything, but we won’t have to break into a garage to find out if there’s gas in the tanks.” 

“Probably more than one surprise inside though so maybe let’s take the house a couple doors down and be sure to cover the windows more than strictly necessary tonight.” 

Alicia nodded. 

There were still no signs of shufflers as Elyza coasted the truck to a stop at the end of the driveway. Daylight was fading faster than anticipated, but Alicia closed the truck’s door as quietly as she could, unwilling to let herself rush and draw unwanted attention. 

Elyza grunted as she dug through their things in the back of the truck, eventually pulling out what she needed to siphon gas from the other cars. 

“Hey, while you do that, why don’t I take a look at the other houses to see which we might want to take for ourselves?” Alicia asked.

Elyza shook her head. “No way. We’re not separating.”

“I’ll be right around the corner, you don’t need to worry.”

“This won’t take me long, just wait.”

Alicia caught the way Elyza’s eyes shifted, turning softer, more sincere. “Wait. I won’t just sit here and let you die.” 

“There’s no sign of anything in the house, it’s okay.” 

Elyza stepped forward. “Watch my back out here. We’ll clear a house together.” 

Alicia threw one last glance toward the setting sun, letting her argument die. Leaning against the car, she kept her knife in hand while Elyza went to work. 

Even Alicia had to admit Elyza had been right in her task not taking long. The tank of her truck was filled and there was likely still enough light in the house for them to safely—or, as safely as possible—make their way through and still have time to move their things inside before darkness fell around them. 

“Ugh!”—Elyza spit—“Every time I have to taste gasoline I’m reminded just how wrong people are when they complain about cheap booze.” 

Distractedly, Alicia responded. “Let’s get inside and we can work on getting you something to hide the taste.” 

“Is that an offer to make me dinner or something else?” Elyza’s brow quirked. 

Alicia’s lips tugged toward a smile as she fought the blush creeping to her cheeks. She’d been getting used to Elyza’s comments, but that one caught her off guard. 

Elyza laughed and Alicia’s blush grew more fierce. 

“I’m kidding, of course.” Elyza slung her shotgun over her shoulders and reached for her bat as the smile on her face grew. “Although, if you’re still worried I regret last night, you absolutely shouldn’t be.” 

Alicia felt her confidence surge and as she walked past Elyza toward the houses they were going to inspect, she threw over her shoulder, “I’m not. I’ve seen the way you’ve looked at me today.” 

It wasn’t long before Elyza was in step beside her once more and without looking over, Alicia knew she would find a beautiful smile pulling at Elyza’s full lips. 

The house they entered was as still as the streets they’d driven. Whoever had been there had left in a hurry, leaving behind one suitcase still thrown open on a bed. Alicia moved through the house by Elyza’s side, knife in hand, as they listened for any signs they weren’t alone. 

Nothing creaked, there were no moans from behind closed doors, no bloody handprints hinting that anything had gone wrong in the house. Alicia kept Elyza in her sights until every inch of the house was checked. 

Sheathing her knife when the last room was cleared, Alicia felt herself relax, felt herself soften around the edges, her jaw easing and posture slouch slightly. What she felt was herself shift, shift back to _Alicia_ and away from…

“This’ll be just fine.” Elyza’s voice jolted Alicia from her train of thought. “I’ve closed the doors to any room we won’t need and once we get everything from the truck, we can start working on covering the windows.” 

Alicia nodded. “Bring everything in?” 

“Absolutely. I haven’t seen anyone, but I don’t want to wake up in the morning and find that most of our water has wandered off in the night. Besides, if we don’t bring everything in, we’d have to grab the first can of food we dig out of the bag and maybe you’re craving a specific kind of terrible food tonight.” 

“How thoughtful.” Alicia laughed. 

Together, they made quick work of their chores. Bags were placed where they would be easy to grab, doors and windows were blocked as well as they could manage with the furniture around them, and windows were covered to avoid letting any light from their candles slip through. By the time they finished, both their stomachs growled and the light outside faded to nothing. 

As per usual, the food was unsatisfying, but Alicia found that she minded less and less. With each bite, Alicia felt her limbs grow heavier and her eyelids droop against the comfortable silence that had gathered around them. 

“You too, huh?” Elyza yawned as her hand wove through her hair. 

“That obvious?” 

“Maybe not, but I think I’m more exhausted than you so I’m making excuses.” With a smile, Elyza climbed to her feet. “Come on, we’ll get this cleaned up and hopefully manage to sleep through the night.”

The way she said it, the way Elyza hinted at sleep more tiresome than her days, Alicia had to stop herself from asking what had been keeping Elyza awake. She realized as Elyza handed her a candle (to help her sleep, she’d said) and sent her upstairs, that what kept Alicia from asking was not that she thought she’d be prying, but that she was terrified she would understand the answer too well. 

Shedding herself of extra clothes, Alicia readied herself to climb into the pristine bed someone clearly intended to come back to one day. As she finished lighting the candle Alicia saw Elyza in the doorway, a pile of sheets in her arms. 

“I…um.” Elyza cleared her throat. 

“What’s—“ Alicia blushed, remembering she’d removed everything but her shirt and underwear. “Sorry, I’ve gotten used to you sleeping downstairs.”

Elyza regained her composure quickly. “Oh you have nothing to apologize for.” 

Alicia smirked at the admiration in Elyza’s brash words. 

“What are you doing?” Alicia asked.

“I know it’s quiet out, but we don’t really know what’s around here and I would rather be in the same room. You can have the bed, I’ll take the floor. If things go to hell, we can get out the bedroom window and use the pipe out there to get down.” 

Alicia eyed the pile of sheets Elyza spread between the door and the bed. “You won’t be comfortable.”

“So?”

“So sleep with me.” 

Elyza smirked. 

Alicia felt her jaw twitch and mouth grow dry as she spoke. “I mean, the bed is big enough, you don’t have to sleep on the floor. I don’t mind and it’s better for you to be rested if we’ll be out there.” 

Alicia watched as Elyza started to make a comment, started to retort with something that would undeniably spark too many thoughts that would not lead to sleep, but whatever it was, it remained unvoiced as a blush spread furiously across her cheeks. 

“As long as you’re sure.” Elyza’s gaze fell to Alicia’s lips again and it was all Alicia could do to ignore it. 

“I’m sure.” Before she could think about the softness of Elyza’s mouth, the way her skin warmed under her as they kissed, Alicia climbed into the bed, making sure to leave plenty of room for Elyza. 

Quietly, with candlelight flickering through her hair, Elyza tossed her jacket and jeans aside. Before she climbed into the bed, her gaze held a challenge, an offer. Alicia knew what Elyza was asking, knew there was more to it than tiptoeing farther across the line they’d met the night before. Alicia ran her hand over the sheets beside her, letting Elyza know she was okay—letting Elyza know she would not be scared away by the unexplainable familiarity they shared. 

It could have been more, the moment when Elyza looked at her and Alicia felt how close they were, but Alicia let it go. Their exhaustion took them quickly, eyes fluttering closed before thoughts of lips pressing together could be made truths. 

Alicia fell toward sleep easier with the warmth of Elyza beside her, with the rhythm of Elyza’s breaths drifting into the room. Her body hummed with Elyza so close. If she embraced it, let herself feel everything her body begged her to—the ache, the longing, the _need_ , and the impenitent calm—she felt complete. And in the heaviness of night right before sleep took her fully, she heard a whisper pass through sleeping lips beside her. 

A whisper full of everything her body begged of her. 

“Lexa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for bearing with me while I waited for my computer to come back and seasonal obligations to end! Hopefully the longer chapter was worth the wait. You can always let me know if kudos and comments if it was <3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, the rating changed...

Each morning, Alicia and Elyza would study their map, creating quadrants to search with enough time to make it back to the house they’d claimed as their own. 

Each night, they shared the bed, neither willing to push for more than the shared space, shared warmth. 

There was no sign of anyone the first day they searched. The streets remained still, littered only with abandoned cars and trash blown from the wreckage of the city around them. When they came across a few shops with ads still hung in their windows, Elyza parked the truck, beckoning for Alicia to follow her. 

Alicia refused the shotgun Elyza held out for her, insisting Elyza should use it. Alicia kept her hand on her knife. 

There was little need for weapons at all their first day. Each store they entered held no signs of life, only mostly empty shelves with the occasional useful item tucked away. When Alicia found a camp stove, she relished in the way Elyza’s eyes lit up at the thought of a warm dinner. 

When Elyza caught her hand and pulled her closer, it was Alicia delighted in the taste of Elyza’s lips on hers, the way their bodies pressed together. 

Everything else around them slipped away, the light filtering through the partially covered window grew warmer, more comfortable. Alicia’s breaths became shaky, overwhelmed by the kiss. 

Elyza had pulled away, searching her eyes for a reason, a sign to stop. 

Alicia pulled her close again. 

The second day passed much the same. There were no signs of Alicia’s family, not a single hint that anyone living had come through the the streets they drove along or the gas stations and shops they searched.

A few shufflers had been quickly dispatched. Alicia kept herself between them and Elyza, claiming every kill save one. The one Elyza took down had been to protect Alicia as she fought. 

Alicia kissed her carefully in thanks, keeping Elyza’s hand in hers as they drove back to their house afterward. 

Alicia slept deeply, undisturbed by the dreams that still came. Dreams of peace, dreams of black blood wiped away with soft hands, dreams of her with the blue-eyed woman named Clarke—the woman who looked like Elyza. She remembered it all when she awoke: a knife held to her throat, tears of pain, of relief. She remembered the way Clarke would say her name, _Lexa’s_ name, the way Clarke’s gaze would drop to her lips, how it felt when their lips pressed together each time. 

She remembered how the kisses she shared with Elyza echoed what she felt in her dreams. 

She remembered the dreams, felt them pull her further each time Clarke would appear. And she remembered the first night they’d shared the bed, when she’d been so close to sleep, so close to falling into the dreams that would become her favorites. The name she thought she heard, would have sworn she heard, fall through Elyza’s full lips. 

_Lexa_

She didn’t mention it to Elyza. It was easier for Alicia to pretend like she was imagining it, easier to climb into the truck and act like it was her family she thought about. 

It was their third day of searching, looking for any signs of Alicia’s family, of the life she’d know before. The life she was forgetting. 

“I think that’s the second one we’ve seen outside in the last three days.” Elyza said, nodding out the window toward a shuffler crawling out of a nearby ditch. 

“I wonder what drew them away?” 

“Whatever it was, or whoever, I don’t know whether to thank them or not. It’s weird not having those things around.” 

They hadn’t talked about it, but they both felt the disquiet of the silence around them. They’d run into shufflers, yes, but only in the few trapped in the stores they searched. Alicia could find nothing she thought her family might have left, but she also didn’t find them amongst the shufflers. With each venture into a shop, a possible hideout, she was all too keen on exactly what she felt, and it wasn’t what she knew she should. 

Her heart didn’t sink when she found no signs of her family. She didn’t feel relief when she didn’t recognize the faces of the shufflers in the dark. She felt protective, determined to keep Elyza safe. 

She felt like she did in her dreams, like Lexa at Clarke’s side. 

It was thrilling. 

Wonderful. 

Powerful. 

And she knew it should scare the hell out of her, should make her feel guilty, but it felt too right.

She still didn’t know how to explain it or if it could be explained. 

Alicia wasn’t sure she wanted to know. 

They were dreams, but some part of her was starting to wonder if they might not be just that. She hadn’t quite admitted it to herself, but the thread was there, slowly weaving through her being with each moment. 

“We should head back soon.” Alicia said, throwing up a wall between her mind and the idea of her dreams meaning more.

Elyza nodded, pulling the truck to the side of the road to study their map to make sure she knew the best way back to their temporary home. 

“I’m sorry we haven’t found anything.” Elyza’s voice was quiet.

“It…” Alicia paused, unsure of what to say. “I know you want to fix this, but maybe you can’t.” 

Elyza pointed to the map, passing her finger over a road leading to one of the few areas they hadn’t explored. “We’ll check out the area around this mall tomorrow. It might not be too late.”

Alicia caught herself before she said it didn’t matter. It should. 

“Thank you.” 

“I told you, you don’t have to do that.” Elyza grinned. “But if you want to be the one to make dinner tonight, I’ll accept that.” 

Alicia would have anyway.

When the truck was unloaded of the few useful things they’d found throughout the day and their dinner was gone, they spread out the map. It was part of the routine they were building: unload and repack, eat, plan for the next day. 

“Do you think the mall will be safe?” Alicia looked over the map.

“Hard to say, but if you’re family is holed up somewhere, it might not be a bad location for them. If we’re careful, it’s worth a look.” 

“You really don’t have to do this. You can go back.” Alicia said, wanting to give Elyza an out, wanting to let her make the choice. 

“I know.” Elyza leaned into her. “But like hell I would.”

Alicia expected the answer, but it did not stop the warmth from spreading through her chest at the words, at the weight of Elyza against her. 

“Then the mall it is. Maybe theres’s something there.” Alicia stared at the map, accepting that she was no longer sure of what she wanted to find.

“Worst case, we can look for new clothes.” Elyza smiled. 

With a laugh, Alicia responded. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

Elyza’s smile changed, eyes darkening slightly as if she was troubled by something unsaid. She tried to play it off, but Alicia could still sense the shift. 

“Absolutely not. I just have a feeling we would look damn fine next to each other in some dresses.” 

_Eyes connecting across the room._

_An apology._

_A favor._

_Notes of a song danced along candlelight, calling for everyone in the room to see, to feel the significance of the girl dropping to her knee._

_Later, peace. Just the two._

_A kneel._

_A promise._

_A gentle touch she knew was more than she deserved._

The scene played out in flashes—in seconds—gone before Alicia could truly register what it meant. Gone before Elyza could notice. 

She’d felt the wound from a previous dream, imagined the feel of Clarke’s lips after recent nights, but this was different. 

Alicia wasn’t dreaming. 

“You know, I think you might be right.” Alicia said, trying to keep her voice light. 

“I usually am.”

Elyza smiled and Alicia found herself smiling back effortlessly. There was a storm inside her, fed by the unexplainable, but Elyza was a shelter against the squall, one Alicia found herself more comfortable with each passing day. She didn’t know what was happening to her, couldn’t understand why thoughts of her family were fading away, but being with Elyza was keeping her anchored, keeping her from getting lost. 

Or maybe Elyza was helping her find her way. 

“I think I’m going to call it a night.” Elyza said after stifling a yawn. 

Alicia stood, beginning to gather their things. “Go on, I’ll get everything put away and the bags ready to grab in case something happens.” 

Elyza ran her hand over Alicia’s arm in thanks. Alicia felt the weight of it, felt how her skin warmed from the contact. She turned away, busying herself before Elyza could see the effect she’d had. 

She went through the motions of her tasks slowly. Her mind rolling over and over with thoughts of the girl in a black dress—Clarke in a black dress—kneeling in a room full of people. 

Lexa’s people.

Their people. 

She already knew the dreams were feeling more real, but she’d never experienced one while she was awake. It was worse, better, than what she went through each night. 

It wasn’t a dream. 

What it was, she wasn’t sure. Imagination, perhaps? 

All she could do was think of the warrior in her dreams, think of Lexa, and the way she felt about the blond standing beside her. 

She climbed the stairs, seeking sleep and whatever her dreams would bring, trying to convince herself it had been nothing but her imagination. 

It didn’t stop her from also thinking one word over and over again: _but_. 

Alicia warred with herself until sleep overtook her. She didn’t fight the pull of dreams, she let herself go, falling toward what she hoped might be more answers. 

She awoke with a jolt, muscles tense and heart racing. 

Then she heard another whimper, another almost cry. 

Elyza turned toward her, lost in sleep, lost in a nightmare. Barely illuminated in the candlelight, Elyza’s face was still clearly twisted in despair. Without thinking, Alicia leaned over, pressing her body to Elyza’s. 

“It’s okay! You’re okay!” Alicia ran her thumb over Elyza’s cheek, trying to urge her away from whatever was tormenting her. “Come back!” 

With a gasp, Elyza’s eyes shot open. Her breaths fell in rapid heaves as she frantically looked around. Alicia was only given a hint of a glance as warning before Elyza’s lips were on hers. A second later, Elyza tensed and pulled away. 

“I’m sorry, I…” 

Alicia shifted, wiping away the few tears clinging to the corner of Elyza’s eye. 

“It’s okay. You’re safe.” She said, voice soft. “It was just a dream.”

“Kiss me again.” Elyza’s words came out as a plea, as if she needed Alicia to convince her she was awake, that her nightmare was over. 

Alicia obliged. 

As soon as their lips touched, it was as if kindling had ignited within Alicia. Elyza’s hands traced along her side, to the back of her neck, to her jaw, and each touch stoked the blaze brighter. Their kiss deepened, driven by something more than Alicia had ever felt before. She needed this, needed her. 

When she pulled away and their eyes met, the look on Elyza’s face tightened Alicia’s stomach into a knot. It was a look of desire for something long craved, of desire for something long thought impossible. Alicia recognized it from the same blue eyes she could not stop dreaming of. 

She kissed Elyza again, feeling her body respond to every brush of fingertips against her, every heavy press of lips. Alicia longed to get lost everything Elyza could make her feel. 

Elyza barely stifled a moan, the hint of it reaching Alicia enough to send a pulse to her center. She slipped her hand under Elyza’s shirt in response, wanting nothing more than to hear what sounds Elyza was holding back. 

It was Alicia who broke the silence though, unable to stop her shaky breath from building into more as Elyza moved on top of her. Alicia stared at her, green eyes searching blue, more vulnerable than she’d ever been willing to be. Elyza leaned back, letting Alicia take her in as she slowly removed her shirt. 

Alicia’s heart raced as her hands moved up Elyza’s bare sides. She would have stared for hours, content to admire the swell of Elyza’s chest, the way the light flickered across her with each quick breath, but Elyza leaned down to kiss her again. 

Alicia felt the moan more than she heard it. 

She pulled Elyza to her, wanting more, wanting to feel bare skin against hers. Alicia tugged at her own shirt before Elyza took over, breaking the kiss just long enough for the fabric to be discarded. 

Between their bodies, Alicia felt Elyza’s hand on her stomach, felt the way her fingertips trailed across her skin as if searching for something. 

Elyza’s jaw trembled as they kissed, as she moved to kiss along Alicia’s jaw. When Alicia tried to lean back, Elyza held her closer, a groan of protest slipping passed her lips. Alicia stayed, turning instead to kiss away the trail of a tear from Elyza’s cheek. 

Alicia did not press, only whispered once more, “You’re safe.” 

Elyza smiled. “You’re here.” 

Alicia did not press, did not ask what she meant. She only answered with “yes.” 

It was enough for them both. 

Hands grew more confident, lips more sure, bodies closer. Alicia removed the last of her clothes, basking in the way Elyza looked at each exposed inch of skin. An aching need spread between her legs as Elyza’s lips followed her gaze, kissing between her breasts, down to the crease of her hip. 

Alicia could not stop her hips from rolling, could not stop her hands from finding purchase in Elyza’s hair, as Elyza pressed her tongue to her center. 

Her moans filled the room as Elyza moved against her, lips building Alicia toward a crescendo. 

Alicia needed her, needed Elyza closer, needed to feel her when the inevitable wave came crashing down. Her hands tightened in mussed waves and Elyza obliged. Kissing her way up Alicia’s stomach, Elyza’s smirk was barely visible as her fingers took over where her tongue had once been. 

When Elyza’s lips were on hers again, Alicia could bear it no longer, begging for Elyza to be inside her. For a tantalizing moment, Elyza made her wait. 

It was Elyza’s moan of pleasure as Alicia took her in that nearly sent Alicia crashing over the edge. 

They moved together, Alicia pressing her leg up between Elyza’s thighs as Elyza’s fingers curled. With each press of her thigh, each dip of Elyza’s hips, Elyza’s low moans doubled the pleasure Alicia felt from Elyza’s fingers alone. She was seconds from release when she sought Elyza’s eyes with hers, wanting Elyza to watch as she came undone. 

Before she lost herself completely in the pleasure, she caught sight of the full smile spreading across Elyza’s kiss-reddened lips. As soon as her breaths evened and she felt once again in control of her body, Alicia moved, determined to taste Elyza’s desire. 

Deep breaths turned to moans, turned to raspy cries for more until neither of them could stop smiling. 

Later, Alicia kept sleep at bay by focusing on the way Elyza’s fingers trailed down her spine, tracing an unseen pattern. 

“I’m sorry I woke you.” Elyza said.

“Shhh.” 

“I mean it.” 

Alicia rolled over, finding Elyza’s eyes full of worry. Elyza still touched her, still ran her hand against her side, her hip, her stomach.

Without thinking, Alicia asked, “What was the dream about?” 

“I lost someone.”—Elyza’s hand came to a stop under Alicia’s breast—“She… was shot. Because we loved each other.”

_In peace may you leave the shore._

_In love may you find the next._

The words were barely there, tugging at the back of Alicia’s mind. She watched as Elyza’s brow creased in confusion, in pain. 

“Do you want to talk about something else?” 

By the time Elyza answered, there was no hint of whatever turmoil she’d found in her dream, only the cockiness that sent a smile to Alicia’s lips. 

“We don’t have to talk at all.” 

And so they didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this weird little Clexa fandom spin-off doesn't always get the most attention but it's the story that was stuck in my head so thank you to everyone who is still hanging with me on this story <3 I've decided to start a tumblr for this and future fics so if you want to head over and send me prompts, go for it @beecharmerwrites.tumblr
> 
> Also, shit's about to go down soon as I wind this fic up and I want to go ahead and tell you neither of them are dying on my watch.


	11. Chapter 11

When she finally woke, Alicia knew it was already nearing noon. She’d slept well, better than she had in weeks, but it had been near dawn by the time she and Elyza let themselves drift off. She’d fallen asleep pressed against Elyza with an arm around her waist. 

Somehow, she’d only gotten closer. 

Alicia laid there for a minute, her breaths in sync with the rise and fall of Elyza’s bare chest. Her heart soared with thoughts of how they’d spent their night. The kisses they’d shared, the way their hands had explored, quickly gaining confidence as if they already knew the curves of each other’s bodies. It had been everything Alicia wanted, needed.

The arm around her waist shifted, tightened, as Elyza awoke with a heavy, pleasant sigh. 

“Good morning, beautiful.” Elyza’s voice was raspier than usual, carrying with it signs of the moans she’d let escape and the quiet cries she’d released as her hands held onto Alicia. 

Alicia loved it. Loved the way it seemed only for her. 

“I’m not sure how much morning is left.” She said. 

“Still beautiful.” 

Muffled by the pillow, Alicia couldn’t help but smile at Elyza’s response. 

Stretching, Alicia felt her muscles pull, felt their protests from a long night. The reminder quickly turned to desire as it floated across her skin, sank into her core, and settled once again between her legs. Elyza moved as well, the friction of her skin against Alicia’s only making matters worse. 

She rolled over, hoping if she broke contact between them, she could stop thinking of the way Elyza had used her mouth to clean her fingers, how it had felt when Elyza collapsed on top of her, hips still grinding against Alicia’s hand between them. 

It didn’t work. 

Elyza’s eyes bore into her, beautiful in the faint light filtering through the covered window. They were the blue of seas, of stormy skies and straight from the dreams she’d been lost in. They were Clarke’s eyes. And that made her love them more. 

_Full of pain, of longing, blue eyes bore into her._

_Chest aching, a delicate touch._

_So many things left unsaid._

_“I never thought I would see you again.”_

Alicia’s lips were against Elyza’s before she could stop herself, before she fully understood who the voice in her mind belonged to. She felt Elyza smile against her, felt Elyza’s hands drifting to her sides, her hips. She ran her tongue over Elyza’s lip before pulling it between her teeth and starting another round of the bliss they’d found the night before. 

_“I’ll always be with you.”_

By the time they could no longer ignore their growling stomachs, too much of the day was gone for them to consider leaving. Alicia did not mind, perfectly content to spend the day with Elyza’s hands on her between talks of planning their next day of searching. 

When they finally managed to leave the house the next morning, it had only been after several kisses, several tempting moments to stay tucked away from the world for another day. 

Every time Elyza looked at her, Alicia felt a smile tugging at her lips. She held her head higher as they loaded the truck, as she kept an eye on their surroundings to make sure they had not drawn any attention to themselves in the night. 

It was Elyza who entwined their hands moments after turning the truck onto the main road. It would be one of their longer drives and Alicia was grateful for the touch, grateful for the reminder that Elyza was with her. 

Like every other time they’d left the relative safety of their temporary home, the streets were nearly deserted. Occasionally, a broken body reached out from the wreckage of a car or a shuffler could be seen in the distance but there were no groups, no signs of the horde that had separated Alicia from her family—that had led Alicia to Elyza. 

The quiet was unsettling, leaving Alicia to wonder if each curve in the road was hiding an army of the undead. But each turn and each curve showed nothing but more abandoned streets. 

When the mall came into view, it was nearly as deserted. Driving through the parking lot revealed a handful of shufflers weaving between the cars and few fire trucks and ambulances left in the parking lot. There were no signs of anyone living. 

“I’ll take them out.” Alicia said with one hand on the truck’s door and the other on her knife. “Stay in the car, I can handle one at a time.” 

Elyza started to protest, but Alicia’s kiss stopped whatever she was going to say. Instead, Elyza brought the truck to a stop near each one as they circled the perimeter again, Alicia driving her knife into skull after skull until no matter where they looked, no threats could be seen. 

“Same as usual, okay? We’ll walk around, take a look through the windows and doors. There’s enough glass on the roof of this thing to make sure the interior is lit enough for us to get an idea of what’s going on.” Elyza said as she handed Alicia a crowbar. 

Alicia watched as Elyza settled the shotgun into her own hands, not bothering to offer it to Alicia this time. She grinned, happy Elyza had finally accepted she was more comfortable with her knife. 

Eyes scanning the building, Alicia said, “It’s good there are no chains on the door. No one was locked inside.”

Alicia saw the way Elyza’s grip tightened on her gun at the implications of her words. Alicia understood why it had happened, understood why some shelters had been locked when biting began and panic set it, but it didn’t mean she didn’t feel for the people who were lost. 

“Your family might be in there then.” 

Alicia nodded. 

Her family.

Alicia could dredge up memories, thousands of them, when she thought of the people she’d been separated from. But when she thought of them now, it was as if everything she felt was filtered through aging, dusty glass. 

A part of her missed them. 

A part of her felt like they’d been taken from her long ago, like she’d grieved for them and a hundred others. 

She was scared she’d never see them again. 

She was scared she would. 

“Whatever, whoever, we find, we should try to get some supplies.” Alicia said. 

“I’m telling you, we would look great in some dresses.” Elyza winked. 

With a grin, Alicia tried to push aside the daydream she’d had of the girl who looked like Elyza in a dress, head held high until she pledged herself to the Commander. 

“Sure you’d be able to go a while without your leather jacket?” Alicia’s brow quirked with her teasing. 

Without missing a beat, Elyza replied. “Just wait until you see me in a dress, the jacket will be the last thing you can think about.” 

Alicia felt her mouth go dry as she worked to form a response. Nothing came, only images of another blonde with a dress hugging her every curve. Her cheeks burned. 

Elyza laughed. “Come on, the sooner we make sure it’s all clear, the sooner you can see for yourself.” 

“Laugh all you want, but I remember how you looked at me that first time you saw me in nothing but my t-shirt and underwear.” Alicia said with a smile, making her way to the entrance of the mall. 

She felt like she could do this forever, talk to Elyza, flirt with Elyza. Alicia felt like she already knew her and somehow, the familiarity had grown since their kiss, since they’d shared more. 

It felt right. 

Terrifyingly right. 

“Doors are locked from the inside, but I can’t see any of those things in there.” Elyza said, squinting past the sun’s reflection on the doors. 

“The security gate is down too.” Alicia added. 

“I can’t imagine it’s entirely empty.” 

Alicia shrugged. “Unless people have cleaned it out already?” 

Elyza eyed her. “Well if your family fights like you, it’s possible.” 

“They… they don’t.” Alicia didn’t know how to say she didn’t either, not until she had to fight for Elyza. 

“For what it’s worth, I didn’t know how to use a gun until the day before I met you.” Elyza said softly. 

Before Alicia could respond, could ask anything, Elyza walked away. 

Alicia let the conversation go, let herself accept the comment. 

She let herself start to wonder what other changes Elyza had noticed since they met—if she hadn’t been imagining things when she thought Elyza had called for Lexa in her sleep. 

It made no sense. 

It was impossible. 

But so were her dreams, so were Elyza’s eyes. 

So was the peace she felt with Elyza at her side. 

It was a peace that kept the tension from staying with them, a peace that quickly let them return to their slight touches and shy smiles. 

Slowly, they made their way around the building, keeping an eye out for signs of anything living or dead as they peered in through the mall’s entrances. Each time they looked, they saw nothing, but took care to note cracked glass and missing security gates. At ease, they walked side by side, joking, flirting, as if the world around them hadn’t ended. 

_Rain fell around them, horses moving with slow determination._

_It could be like this._

_Should be._

_“You bring them justice.”_

_She’d done it for her, for revenge, for the knowledge that the queen would not take another._

_It was still for her._

_Blue eyes flashed. “_ You _bring them justice.”_

_A flirtatious challenge. A hint at the ease they found together._

_“_ We _bring them peace.”_

 _A smile. One meant only for her._

“Thinking about last night?” Elyza nudged her. 

“I…” Alicia didn’t realize she’d been smiling. Not outside of the daydream. 

Elyza leaned in over Alicia’s shoulder, whispering in her ear, hand drifting around to her hip, “Because I can’t stop thinking about it.” 

Alicia’s response was stopped by the sudden groan of metal against metal. 

“What the hell was that?” Elyza asked, stepping away and readying her gun. 

Alicia tightened her grip on the crowbar and dropped a hand to her knife as she crept along the building. The groan happened again. Heart racing, Alicia turned the corner, as the groan twisted into a ear-splitting screech. 

The loading docks were empty, a wrecked fire truck the only sign that something had gone wrong. The truck had crashed into a light pole, sending it toppling into the metal door of a loading bay. However long it had been there, it was slipping, pushing against the metal it rested against. 

Alicia heard Elyza’s sigh of relief right before the sound happened again, louder, more aggressive. Alicia grimaced, fighting the urge to cover her ears. 

“That noise is going to attract whatever shufflers are nearby.” 

Alicia nodded. “We’ll need to be quick, but we have some time.” 

The metal groaned again as the pole slid further down until the metal could no longer handle the weight and the door gave way. 

Suddenly, it became horrifyingly clear why the streets had been so deserted, why they had not run into the horde Alicia originally escaped from. As soon as the door was free, shufflers poured out from the opening. 

“Shit!” Alicia stepped in front of Elyza and drew hew knife in one fluid motion. 

Elyza tugged on her arm. “We need to get out of here!”

There were too many of them. Bodies fell and stumbled from the opening, coming straight toward them. In seconds, the shufflers had cut off any chance of going forward. With sinking dread, Alicia realized they were too far from the truck, stuck on the other side of the building. By the time they made it, if they could, the truck would be swarmed. 

The shotgun roared in her ear. The closest shuffler dropped, immediately replaced by five more. 

“Come on!” Elyza tugged harder. 

Snapping to action, Alicia spun, keeping Elyza ahead of her as they ran. 

“We need to cut through!” Alicia shouted. 

Elyza slowed, throwing a careful look at the shufflers that were following them. Through heavy breaths, she said, “The side entrance up ahead. If we go in, we can run across to the truck.” 

“Let’s go.” Alicia urged Elyza on, knowing that even once they cut through, there was no telling if the way to the truck would be clear.

The door wasn’t far, but it would not give them room to put any distance between themselves and the shufflers. They needed to move quickly. 

Elyza pulled on the doors, kicking them when they would not give way. Like all the others, the entrance was locked. 

“Let me!” Alicia sheathed her knife, taking the crowbar in both steady hands. 

The shufflers were close, too close. The smell of decay and death was everywhere. Groans and hisses filled the air as the things dragged one foot after another toward them. 

Alicia fought to slip the crowbar between the doors. As soon as she managed any sort of hold, she pulled.

The door wouldn’t budge. 

“Alicia!” Elyza fired off two shots. 

“I’m trying!”

Another shot. 

Alicia yelled, using all her strength. The door groaned, popping as the lock gave way. Yanking on the handle, Alicia nearly panicked when the door wouldn’t open. 

Then she saw the second bolt near the ground. 

“Damn it, there are two locks!” 

“Hurry!” Elyza shouted. 

Alicia wedged the bar as close as she could to the second lock and with a grunt, the door gave way. 

Grabbing Elyza, Alicia shoved her through the door first as the shufflers grew near. 

Alicia was half way through the door when a rotted hand took hold of her. She fought against it, fought to stay away from decaying mouths and snapping teeth.

The next shot was deafening. 

The hand fell away as Elyza pulled her inside, slamming the door shut as soon as Alicia was over the threshold. 

“The crowbar!” 

Alicia slid it into place. One by one, shufflers pushed against the door, held at bay only by the piece of metal. 

“We need to go. Now.” Alicia said, voice firm and steady. 

Elyza nodded, turning alongside Alicia to venture inside. 

Neither of them noticed as the glass began to crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's do this. 
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I decided to start a tumblr for this and future fics (I'm working on a Clexa one I think y'all are really going to love!) If you have ideas for one shots or have any questions about this fic, head on over to beecharmerwrites!


	12. Chapter 12

The mall interior was quiet, clean save for the few streaks of gore on floors and walls. Alicia could hear the slight thump of bodies hitting against the mall’s entrance. The crowbar rattled each time, ringing out to warn them of how little separated Alicia and Elyza from the horde.

They pressed on, keeping an eye out for anything that might cause them more trouble. 

“How many followed us?” Elyza asked.

“I don’t know for sure,”—Alicia kept her voice low, scanning the shadows for anything inside—“but I don’t think it was all of them. So if we aren’t quick, the truck might be surrounded.”

Elyza nodded. “Well maybe we’ll get lucky and everything trying to kill us will be on this side of the mall.”

_Swallowing her fear, she knocked._

_A nod._

_A delicate touch._

_Careful, healing hands._

_It was fragile, this peace between them._

_She knew it, knew it was more than she truly deserved._

_“Do you talk about anything other than your death?”_

_A quirk of lips._

_A tease._

_A sign of what they used to have, what they could have again._

__

Alicia smiled slightly, a response to a different comment spoken in a different kind of silence. 

Elyza caught her eye and for a second, Alicia could have sworn she saw her with a playful glint to her eye lit only by flickering candles. 

A second later, the vision was shattered as a body slammed into the glass beside her. Elyza jumped, grabbing onto Alicia. Alicia knew it was ridiculous, knew there were dozens of things that should come to her mind instead, but she could not keep her chest from filling with warmth when Elyza looked to her for protection. 

The shuffler was no threat. Trapped behind glass, it could not reach them. Elyza released her grip as the realization came to her and Alicia immediately missed the contact. 

“Look.” Elyza nudged Alicia, pointing toward the door of the shop. 

Chains. 

It wasn’t the only door. Many others were locked from the outside, trapping something—or someone—inside. 

The noise of the one shuffler hitting the glass drew the attention of more. Through the light pouring in from the glass ceiling, they could see more and more bodies pressing against store fronts all along the hall. 

“They’ve been in there for a while.” Alicia said, stepping closer to the glass. 

“At least we know why we haven’t seen any in the halls.” 

As they moved on, flanked by stores with shufflers pressed against glass, Alicia began to notice that not all stores were full of shufflers. Those that were left empty were the exact stores she and Elyza would be likely to raid if given the chance. It was as if someone had gone through methodically, carefully herding the shufflers. 

The more she thought about it, the more uneasy she grew. Herding them required bait. And as she and Elyza had walked around the exterior, they had not seen any signs of rear entrances to stores being disturbed. She could not know for sure what had happened in the mall or when, but the unease settled within her. 

She tensed as another sound joined the ring of the crowbar.

A faint crack. 

Dread anchored in Alicia’s stomach. 

It was the sound of cracking glass. 

“Damn it,” Elyza whispered with wide eyes. “Did you hear that?” 

Alicia nodded, shoving away the panic threatening to build within her. “Keep going.”

They picked up their pace slightly, navigating the halls. Suddenly, Alicia stopped. 

Elyza was a few steps ahead before she noticed. “Hey, what’s up? We need to go!” 

Alicia couldn’t move. Understanding came slowly, so painfully slow as she took in what she saw before her. 

The glass was covered in still-damp grime, smeared by the grasping hands on the other side. It was the clothes Alicia had noticed first, then the colors behind cloudy white eyes. 

Gnashing teeth flashed between streaks in the blood. 

“Alicia?” 

She felt Elyza’s hand on her shoulder as if it were pressed against her through the thickest fabric instead of the thin shirt she wore. 

The bodies—shufflers—hadn’t rotted yet. 

Alicia could recognize them. 

She knew the torn, bloody clothes, knew the lives once held in each groaning body. 

Her family. 

The thing that had once been her mother pushed against the door, rattling the chain locked around the handles. Blank eyes start straight into Alicia. Hesitantly, Alicia reached out, placing her hand on the glass. 

She didn’t know how they died, couldn’t see through the filth if it had been a bite, a bullet, or something else that turned her family into the monsters trying to get to her. 

“…Alicia?” 

She felt Elyza beside her. 

“It’s them.” Alicia said, barely a whisper. 

Alicia expected tears, expected to feel the pain in her chest explode until it became unbearable. What happened instead was nothing. She didn’t cry. She wasn’t overwhelmed. She ached. And the ache became nothing more as she stood on the other side of the glass from what had once been her mom. 

Slowly, she looked at the faces of the things started to push against the glass. She didn’t recognize them all. She didn’t have to. 

Maybe she could have saved them, could have protected them. 

No. 

She ran because she couldn’t have fought. 

Not then. 

But she wouldn’t let it happen again. 

She couldn’t let it happen again, couldn’t let it happen to Elyza. 

“Are you okay?” Elyza asked, voice low and soft. Comforting. 

Alicia wasn’t sure what to say. She was at war with herself. She felt the pain of loss distantly, as if it were a memory. 

She didn’t get the chance to answer. 

The sound of glass shattering and metal crashing to the floor rang out through the mall. The previous stillness of the mall vanished as the horde filed in. 

“Alicia…”

Alicia nodded, understanding the warning in Elyza’s tone. They needed to move. 

She needed to get Elyza to safety. 

Snapping back into focus, Alicia turned and ran alongside Elyza. 

She would mourn later. 

The horde swelled until it filled the width of the hall, being drawn toward them by the sounds of trapped shufflers. 

“Oh no…” Elyza’s words matched the sinking feeling in Alicia’s stomach. 

The security gate was down, blocking their exit. 

The truck sat in the parking lot on the other side of the doors, so close but terrifyingly far. 

As soon as they reached the gate, Alicia and Elyza grabbed hold, trying to lift it. Mercifully, it was not locked, but it was damaged, able to move only in fractions of an inch. 

“You take that end and we’ll lift together, okay?” Elyza shouted, throwing the shotgun over her back and digging her hands under the gate. 

Alicia moved quickly, listening to the intensifying groans of the approaching horde. 

The gate moved an inch then another, climbing higher on Elyza’s side under their efforts. It wasn’t enough for them to slip under, not yet. 

Each inch was gained with pain. Alicia felt the healing wound on her palm stretch, threaten to tear, under the strain. Still she lifted. She would not let go, not when the groans were getting louder. 

The gate jerked suddenly, raising a few inches on Alicia’s side. For Elyza, however, the gate was just high enough for them to squeeze under. 

“Go!” Elyza shouted, arms shaking. 

Alicia ran to Elyza’s side, reaching for the gate. “I’ll hold it, you go first.”

“Grab it on the other side. I’ve got it.” 

Alicia hesitated only to be met with Elyza’s stern gaze. 

“It’s okay, go!” 

Clenching her jaw, Alicia fought the urge to argue. She dropped to the ground, sliding under the gate. Rushing, she climbed to her feet, casting a glance over Elyza’s shoulder to the approaching horde. Time was running out. 

Alicia reached for the gate only to feel it slip out of her hands with a loud pop. 

Elyza cried out in pain. 

Broken metal. 

Crimson blood. 

Alicia’s heart raced. 

Elyza was on the other side of the gate, holding a hand over her forearm, blood already pooling under her fingers. 

“Damn it! Are you okay?” Alicia grabbed the gate, avoiding the jagged metal that had wounded Elyza, struggling to lift it. 

It wouldn’t budge. 

“I’m fine.” Elyza said, voice shaking slightly. 

The shufflers were getting closer. 

Elyza threw a nervous glance over her shoulder. “You need to go.” 

_No._

_No._

_No._

_Not her._

Ignoring her, Alicia grabbed the gate, yelling in frustration. It was useless. Tears pricked her eyes as Elyza covered her hand with hers.

“Go! I’ll find another way.” Elyza said, fear tainting the calm she tried to show with her words.

“I’m not leaving without you!” Alicia sought Elyza’s gaze, sought some way to get her to safety—to save her. 

“May we meet again.” 

Elyza turned and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yell at me here or on tumblr @beecharmerwrites


	13. Chapter 13

Alicia screamed after Elyza, yelled until she could no longer see her. Her hands ached from grabbing the cold, unforgiving gate. She kept trying to lift it, to pry it open, until bodies pressed against the metal and she forced herself to admit it was over—she’d have to find another way. 

Alicia beat on the gate, trying to get the attention of as many shufflers as she could, trying to buy Elyza time. 

It wasn’t enough. There were too many bodies swarming the mall. 

She had to do something, anything to get back inside. 

Alicia ran out the doors, trying to come up with a plan. 

In the distance, she could see part of the horde coming around the mall, straight for the truck. 

She needed to hurry, needed to help Elyza. 

Alicia would not leave her. 

_She fought, warred, with herself._

_She could show nothing._

_No sign of how hard this was._

_How much she hated herself._

_Blue eyes filled with tears._

_”Please don’t do this.”_

_Show nothing, nothing of the rage within, the shame. She could show nothing of the way her heart broke._

_“I’m sorry, Clarke.”_

_The words weren’t enough. They never would be._

_She could see it, see the way Clarke began to break._

_She’d caused this, caused the pain, the tears, and it would only get worse._

_Her own tears would come later._

_“May we meet again.”_

Alicia picked up her pace, searching for any possible door she could use. The dream—the _something_ stuck in her mind, lodging itself there as she ran. She could not let Elyza down, could not leave her. 

_Not again._

She caught sight of a store’s employee entrance. There was no handle, only a lock meant to give under the twist and pull of a key. It was her closest option, her only option.

Reaching for her knife, Alicia examined the door, looking for any way she could slip the blade in to unlock it. As soon as she tried, she heard a noise on the other side. 

The store wasn’t empty.

She slipped her knife in again, trying to find a way to break the lock. The shuffler on the other side was close, ready to reach for her as soon as she made it through.

Prepared to fight, she tried to open the door.

She couldn’t get the knife to catch on the latch, couldn’t get the lock to yield. 

Alicia’s heart raced as she searched around her, looking for any door she might have missed, any other way in. There was nothing.

“Damn it!” She slammed her fist against the door. 

The shuffler thudded against the metal.

The door in front of her clicked, bouncing immediately back against its frame. 

Alicia nearly smiled as she realized what was happening. Immediately springing into action, she kicked against the door, trying to draw the attention of anything inside, trying to get it to push. If she could just get enough weight on the bar that opened the door, it would give. She would be able to get in. 

She kicked again, not caring how many things she might find on the other side if the door did open. 

The door bounced. Alicia reached for it, grasping for the edge. It slipped from her fingers.

“Come on!” She screamed, slamming her fist against the metal. 

Another shift. This time, Alicia caught hold, ripping the door open the rest of the way. Two bodies stumbled out toward her. In the blink of an eye, the first was on the ground, Alicia’s knife buried deep in its skull. The second reached for her, grabbing with gore stained hands. Unable to move, unable to risk the door closing, Alicia let it come, let its hands slip off her shoulders as she strained to gain the advantage. 

With a sickening sound, she slid her blade through the shuffler’s eye. 

She pushed the body away, running head first into whatever danger awaited her inside. There was no time to move quietly, to take stock of what was ahead. There was only one thought running through her mind—she would not leave Elyza. 

The smell hit her before the groans, before any other sign that she was not alone in the store. She ducked behind a display of bloodied toddler clothes, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the dark. She could see movement, see shadows stumbling against mannequins and rows of clothes. 

Alicia could see enough. 

She sprang into action, dropping the nearest shuffler before the other four could see her. She dove behind a rack, rolling into a crouch as the other shufflers started moving toward the sound of a rotting body hitting the floor. Alicia peeked around the corner, studying the four more things she would have to kill. 

She heard a gunshot. 

Elyza. 

Alicia sprang into action, knowing she didn’t have time to plan her attack. The closest shuffler turned as she approached, barely getting it’s mouth open before Alicia’s knife was in and out of its head. The others came as one, bumping into the displays beside them. She steadied herself, adrenaline coursing through her as she let go, let some other part of herself take over. 

Another body hit the ground. Spinning, she pushed one back while the closest shuffler reached for her. She grabbed its arm, pulling it past her and driving her knife into the back of its skull. 

The knife slipped from her hand. 

The last shuffler was close, too close. In an instant, it was on her. Throwing her arms up, she caught the body, halting gnashing teeth only inches from her throat. Alicia felt her grip slipping, felt the weight of the thing grow heavier. 

_An arena._

_The crowd cheered, her people the loudest of all._

_A fight._

_Muscles tense, she prepared to do what she must._

_A glance._

_A nod._

_She relaxed, let herself become nothing but the warrior she was trained to be._

_She would not lose._

_Would not fail Clarke again._

Strength surged within her. Alicia pushed, giving herself enough room to slip her hands to the shuffler’s neck. She pushed forward, driving the thing back until she impaled its rotting head on the metal arm of a clothes rack. 

She did not have time to wait, did not have time to flinch at the sound of racks falling as they were dragged down by the impaled corpse. Elyza needed her. 

Moving quickly, she retrieved her knife, pressing her shoe against the silent body’s head as she pulled the blade free. As soon as it rested in her hand once more, she knew she wouldn’t be able to rely on the knife as her only weapon. If it got stuck again, if she lost it while fighting for Elyza, she would fail. 

She would not allow herself to fail. 

Another gunshot. 

Alicia ran to the store’s front, searching for Elyza. All she could see was the front of the horde, a handful of bodies leading the pack. 

She was running out of time. 

Sheathing her knife, Alicia searched the store for anything else she could use as a weapon. The racks. She ran to one, tossing the clothes aside and pulling two bars from the fixture. They weren’t a lot, but they might be enough. They had to be. 

The door was blocked by the chains used to trap the shufflers inside. Alicia had few options to get out, and none that wouldn’t draw a lot of attention. She had no choice. With all her strength, she threw the nearest display stand into the glass. It shattered on impact, sending glass flying everywhere as the groans of the shufflers filled her ears. 

Grabbing her weapons, she leapt into the main hall with a yell and a swing of metal bars. 

_It was her._

_Clarke._

_She knew it would be. It couldn’t be anyone else._

_She’d waited. Hoped like she’d been scared to do for so long._

_Her body raced into action._

_Swords swung freely._

_The smell of fresh blood filled the air._

_One after another, they fell under her blades._

_In every life, she would protect her._

_Clarke._

_Her love._

Alicia wielded the bars as she had—as Lexa had—in the vision, as if she’d done it a thousand times before. She cut her way through the horde, taking out anything that came near her. She knew they would keep coming. Alicia knew she’d keep fighting. 

_Until she is safe._

She saw her then, bloodied and limping. 

“Clarke!” 

Blue eyes connected with green as the name fell from Alicia’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here. We. Go. 
> 
> Leave a comment to let me know what you think or [there's always Tumblr](beecharmerwrites.tumblr.com).


	14. Chapter 14

The floor was slick with gore. Alicia pushed onward. 

More bodies fell around her as she made her way to Elyza. 

_Clarke._

She watched as Elyza raised her gun toward an approaching shuffler, pulled the trigger. Nothing. There were no more bullets left. 

Alicia fought harder, determined to reach Elyza. A calm had come over her, a sense of ease that kept her heart steady and her muscles loose. With each step, she knew how to move, how to avoid a grasping hand or snapping jaws. She knew how to kill. 

But _she_ didn’t know. 

Lexa did. 

The sound of a skull cracking rang through the air as Elyza used the stock of her shotgun to fend off the nearest shuffler. 

Alicia was almost there, almost within reach of the girl she was determined to never leave again. A hand reached for Elyza with fingers bent in wrong angles and flesh hanging. Alicia was so close. 

With one last yell, Alicia drove the metal bar in her hand through the head of the shuffler reaching for Elyza. The weapon stuck, pulling from her hand as the body fell. She didn’t care. She’d made it. 

“You…” Elyza stared, eyes wide with shock. 

Alicia stepped closer, noting the way blood still flowed from the wound on Elyza’s arm. 

“We have to go.” Alicia ran her hand down Elyza’s cheek, urging her to focus. “If we don’t get out of here, the truck will be swarmed.” 

The shufflers were coming quickly, too many of them to keep fighting. Elyza nodded.

Alicia heard Elyza gasp as she took a step. 

Her ankle. 

Alicia couldn’t tell what was wrong, could only know that she needed to get Elyza moving and fast. Keeping her remaining bar in one hand, Alicia threw Elyza’s arm over her shoulder, letting Elyza lean on her. 

To Alicia’s relief, Elyza moved, keeping up with her as they ran. The groans were still loud, echoing through the halls as the horde approached. No matter how well Alicia fought, she would not be able to kill them all. She would not be able to keep Elyza safe if they could not get out. 

She’d lost her family. 

She would not lose Elyza too.

There were few options. The horde swallowed the store Alicia came in through, cutting off the easiest path of escape. More stores lined the hall with rotting corpses pressed up against the glass. Alicia counted the handful of shufflers in each of the stores. There were too many to fight through with Elyza in her current state. And it was too risky to break in looking to fight with the horde at their backs. There had to be another way.

Trying to keep her breaths steady enough to calm Elyza, Alicia caught sight of one store wedged in between the others and doors free of chains. 

No chains meant a chance for no more shufflers inside. 

Alicia nodded toward the door. “We’ll go through there!”

All she could do was hope there was an exit in the rear. 

Elyza’s grunt of pain served as acknowledgement. 

Alicia helped Elyza limp along toward their chance for escape, picking up the pace despite Elyza’s pain. The shufflers were getting closer. 

“It’s locked.” Elyza’s voice was hard and Alicia knew immediately how she was fighting to hide her pain. 

Without hesitation, Alicia busted the glass next to the lock. Reaching in, she flipped the bolt and pushed Elyza through the door. The shufflers were only a few steps away, the horde swarming every part of the mall. The busted door would not keep them away for long. 

Before she followed Elyza into the dark of the store, Alicia threw the metal bar she’d fought with to the other side of the hall. The clattering of metal against stone split the attention of the horde. Not all were drawn away, but Alicia knew that was an impossibility she wouldn’t dare hope for. She just needed fewer of them pressing against the broken door, fewer of them on her heels.

She slipped inside, locking the door behind her to buy them some time. 

Elyza’s arms were wrapped around her neck as soon as Alicia turned toward her. 

“You came back.” The words were soft, full of disbelief. 

Alicia tightened her grip, holding Elyza against her. “I couldn’t leave you again. I wouldn’t.” 

The sound of glass splintering kept Alicia from getting lost in the warmth of Elyza, lost in the closeness of their bodies. They needed to keep moving. 

Stepping back, Alicia saw the blood dripping down Elyza’s arm. Reaching for the hem of her shirt, she found the cleanest section she could. Using her knife, she cut a makeshift bandage. 

“What are you—“ Elyza’s question was cut off as Alicia began wrapping the cut. 

“You’re still bleeding.”

“I’m fine.” 

“Tell me that when we get out of here, but we have to stop this bleeding.”

Alicia kept moving her hands, kept wrapping the wound. There wasn’t time to argue and Elyza seemed to agree, holding her arm out to make the work easier. As soon as the bandage was in place, they pushed deeper into the store, searching for a way out. 

Alicia felt Elyza cringe each time the sound of cracking glass pierced through the fading groans. The door would give, it was only a matter of time. 

On edge, they crept through the store. Alicia listened for any sign that they weren’t alone, for any hint of something waiting for them in the dark. Each second there was nothing, she pushed Elyza to move faster. 

The emergency exit’s lights came into view as the door shattered. 

Elyza’s limping was more pronounced even as Alicia tried to take more and more of her weight. She hated to do it, hated to be the cause of the gasps of pain emitted from Elyza’s lips with each surge forward, but Alicia pushed harder. 

She had to get Elyza through that door. 

The groans filled the air around them. 

Without pause, Alicia threw open the emergency exit, dragging Elyza with her. The light was blinding. 

As soon as the door closed behind them, Alicia felt Elyza slump, felt her drop to the ground. 

Her exhaustion was written clearly on her sweat-streaked face. 

Scanning the parking lot, Alicia saw the horde getting dangerously close to the truck. She dropped to a knee beside Elyza. 

“We can’t stop now.” Alicia brushed her thumb against Elyza’s reddened cheek. 

With a nod, Elyza tried to stand. 

Alicia did not miss the way she winced as soon as she put any weight on her ankle. 

She wouldn’t make it to the truck before the horde. Not in so much pain. 

“Give me the keys.” Alicia kept her voice calm. It wasn’t a request. She didn’t have time for anything other than a command. 

Elyza looked up at her. “What? Why?”

“I’m going to get the truck.” Alicia threw a glance over her shoulder, eyeing the horde. “I need the keys, now.” 

Something in her eyes must have told Elyza there was no point in arguing. As soon as Elyza dug them from her pocket, Alicia had the keys in hand and was sprinting toward the truck. 

She could make it. 

Barely. 

Her muscles protested each movement, each punishing step against the asphalt, but still she ran. Her body—this body—was not used to fighting and she was beginning to feel the burn in every part of her, but she would not stop. 

Not when she was so close. 

Her approach drew the attention of several shufflers, pulling them closer and closer to her as she ran straight toward them. She would reach the truck first, she had to. 

Alicia barely slowed when she reached the truck, using her momentum to slam a shuffler away from the door. It was risky, foolish, but she hadn’t had time to think. Climbing into the truck, she brought the engine to life as rotting hands began clawing at the window. 

She let out a triumphant yell as she sped away toward Elyza. 

Elyza was on her feet by the time Alicia brought the truck to a stop in front of her.

“Get in!” Alicia shouted. 

Elyza pulled open the driver side door. “Move over!”

Alicia stared at her, incredulous. “You have to be kidding me. Your ank—“

“My ankle hurts like hell but I only need one foot to drive and it’s not that one. So move over so I can drive my truck and get us out of this fucking mess.” 

Elyza was already climbing into the driver’s seat before Alicia was entirely out of the way. 

Alicia watched as blood dripped against the seat. Elyza saw it too, a grimace spreading across her face. 

Voice tight, Elyza spoke. “There’s an ambulance on the other side of the mall. We’re going to need some bandages.”

“What happened to ‘I’m fine’?” Alicia challenged. 

“We’re not out of this just yet. Guess I’ll have to tell you later.” 

It was barely there, but Alicia felt herself stifle a smile at the hint of Elyza’s teasing. 

Alicia held on as Elyza raced through the parking lot. There was no guarantee the horde hadn’t already surrounded the ambulance, but each time she looked at the blood seeping into the makeshift bandage on Elyza’s arm, Alicia knew they had to try. 

They turned the corner, Alicia holding on as she slid in her seat. They could see the ambulance, could see the part of the horde that had not entered the mall drifting closer. 

Elyza sped up. 

They wouldn’t have long to find what they need.

“I’ll get the bandages. You stay in the car.”

Elyza began to protest. Alicia tilted her head, jaw set and brows slightly raised, daring Elyza to insist she wasn’t hurting. 

Moving in her seat, Elyza couldn’t hide the wave of pain coursing through her as she did so. “Okay. Grab whatever bandages you can find. The way this is bleeding, I’m going to go through plenty.”

Alicia nodded. “What about stitches?”

“The ambulance won’t have what we need, only a hospital would. Bandages will have to do. There will also be saline solution to clean the wound. It should be clearly labeled so make sure you get it.” 

“How do you know all of this?” Alicia asked. 

As the words fell from her lips, she smelled pine, felt a cool breeze through a memory barely hidden. 

_Healer._

Elyza paused as she brought the truck to a screeching stop. “Ask me later when I might be able to explain.”

Alicia nodded, the answer already tugging at the back of her mind. 

Barely there. 

Barely restrained. 

Throwing the door open as soon as the truck came to a stop, Alicia saw the nearby shufflers all begin to turn their attention toward Elyza and her. She needed to hurry. 

The back of the ambulance opened without protest but Alicia felt her muscles tense at the sound of a raspy hiss from inside. Her knife was already in hand when the shuffler stumbled out, hitting the pavement at Alicia’s feet. 

Her blade sank deep before Elyza’s cry of warning even registered. 

There was another one. She could hear it, but it never came. Stepping closer, she saw the writhing body strapped to the gurney. She jumped inside, putting it to rest within a heartbeat. 

Bandages. 

Bandages and something to wash the wound. 

Elyza had been right, everything was clearly labeled. There was more than she expected. Quickly, she searched for a bag, for anything she could use. 

She found one, half emptied of the supplies it seemed to usually hold. Alicia grabbed as much as she could, filling the bag with every bandage or package that looked like it could be a bandage. 

“They’re getting closer! Let’s go!” Elyza’s shout left no room for arguing. 

The saline wash. Alicia wouldn’t leave without it. 

Couldn’t.

Searching the shelves, she found where she thought it should be. The bottles were a mess. 

“Alicia!” 

She swept all the bottles into the bag without knowing for sure what would be useful. One of the bottles had to be what Elyza needed. Had to be. 

Alicia threw the bag into the back of the truck as she jumped. The shufflers were close. Only steps away. She ripped the truck’s door open, flinging herself inside. Before she managed to pull the door closed behind her, the truck was moving. 

Bodies bounced against the truck as Elyza drove. 

_Almost._

_Almost safe._

_She’s almost safe._

As soon as the truck turned onto the road and the shufflers began to fade in the mirrors, Alicia finally let herself relax. 

She let herself feel. 

The grief began to consume her, taking pieces from her dreams, from every hint of a memory, from the sight of her family turned into monsters. It swelled until her exhausted body could no longer control it. 

Elyza’s hand found hers when the tears began to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment to let me know what you think or [there's always Tumblr](beecharmerwrites.tumblr.com).
> 
> And hang in there, a certain chat is coming up ;)


	15. Chapter 15

Her tears dried, leaving streaks in the grime on her face. 

She felt emptied. 

Hollow. 

Undone. 

As if a tower so carefully poised on the verge of collapse had finally given way, leaving nothing but rubble and millions of pieces to put back together. 

One piece, one shining monolith, remained—the girl with blue eyes. 

And Alicia needed to help her. 

Needed to help Elyza. 

Elyza, who held her hand through it all. 

Elyza, who looked too pale as she brought the truck to a stop and began walking toward the house they’d made their shelter. 

“Come on, we need to take care of that arm.” Alicia said. 

Each word was steady, anchored in every sign that Elyza was still with her, still alive. 

Anchored in a deeper feeling, a feeling of accepted familiarity—belonging.

Alicia helped Elyza up the stairs, offering a steadying hand on the small of her back as she limped along. They were both quiet. 

Alicia caught the way Elyza’s expression would tighten, as if she tried to wrangle a thought into place. Alicia said nothing, too caught up in her own thoughts, too worried about Elyza. Helping Elyza kept her mind too busy to think about anything else. 

About her family. 

About the way she’d felt as she fought. 

About the name she’d let slip.

The bathroom was dimly lit, would have been dimly lit even if the sun weren’t dipping toward the horizon. Alicia made sure to grab some candles when she retrieved the medical bag. She came back to Elyza’s side as quickly as she could. 

Kneeling at Elyza’s feet, Alicia began rummaging through the bag, trying to find what she needed—what she desperately hoped was actually inside. 

“Let me.” Elyza reached for the bag. 

Reluctantly, Alicia let her. It didn’t stop her from having to bite back a protest when she saw a flash of pain cross Elyza’s expression. 

“Here, we can use these to bandage it now.”—Elyza placed a couple packages beside her, each containing a different kind of bandage—“Did you find any saline solution?” 

Alicia peered into the bag. “I don’t know. I grabbed what I could, but…” 

Elyza held up a large bottle with a smile on her face. “You got it.” 

Closing here eyes with relief, Alicia felt some of the tension ease from her body. 

Elyza started peeling away her bandage. 

“Here, let me help you.” Alicia sat beside her, carefully taking the injured arm in her hands. 

The fabric she’d tied around Elyza’s arm earlier was damp with blood and sweat. As she pried it away from the cut, Elyza hissed in pain. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. 

“I don’t want to hurt you more.” The way Alicia’s voice softened as she spoke was unintentional, a glimpse of something else, something more lurking below the surface. 

Elyza caught Alicia’s gaze. “You won’t.” 

Something inside Alicia unraveled, as if she felt the words as forgiveness. 

She looked away. 

Lexa had needed forgiveness. 

Not her. 

Not Alicia.

“What do I need to do?” Alicia asked, pushing away the memory of a dream that fought to cling onto her heart. 

Elyza explained. Each word was spoken with a confidence Alicia could not imagine. 

“How do you know all of this?” She asked, pouring the saline solution over the cut and trying to clean it as best she could. 

“I mentioned my mom wanted me to be pre-med. She’s a doctor. I guess I just picked up a few things.” 

“You’ve helped her.” 

Elyza took a few breaths before responding. When she spoke, her voice was soft, distant. 

“That’s impossible.” 

Alicia knew she could have pressed, could have asked for an explanation. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

She finished bandaging Elyza’s arm. 

“Thank you.” 

Alicia waved her off. “Should we do something about your ankle?” 

“It’s just a sprain. I tripped when I was running from…” Elyza hesitated, shaking her head before continuing. “It hurts and I need to stay off it, but it’ll be fine.”

“Come on, then. I’ll help you get to bed.” Alicia stood, offering her hand to help Elyza up. 

“I’m feeling okay, but I don’t know if I’m quite up for that.” Elyza said with a hesitant, almost timid glimpse of her usual brash self. 

Alicia gave the slightest hint of a laugh. 

_She’s safe._

A tightening within her loosened. 

She’d saved her. 

At least she’d saved Elyza.

Elyza leaned on her as they walked. Alicia felt the ache in her own body with each step. She knew it would be worse in the morning, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. The pain was worth it. 

“How did you get back inside?” Elyza asked, carefully positioning herself on the bed.

“I fought.” 

“I’ve never seen you fight like that.”

The way Elyza said “you”—the way she said it the same way Alicia would have said “I” if she talked about how she fought—caught Alicia off guard.

It wasn’t entirely her. 

But it was.

A piece fell into place. It was a small, jagged thing. A hint at something that was once as solid as a fortress. 

_I_

“I had something to fight for.” 

The look in Elyza’s eye was one of disbelief. As if she truly feared Alicia would not come back for her. Then it changed. To one of acceptance. To one of warmth. 

It took Alicia’s breath away. 

“Stay here, okay?” She said, covering the windows so the light would not draw attention. “I’ll get us dinner and take care of everything else.”

Elyza nodded. 

Once she got Elyza settled and leaned against the wall of their room, Alicia ran through the nightly chores as quickly as she could. It was odd, going through the motions after everything that had happened, but it helped. It gave her something to control, something concrete she could focus on. 

She would rebuild. 

She would put herself back together. 

But the pieces were scattered. 

As soon as Alicia was done, she returned to Elyza’s side. There was no sign of blood on the new bandages and after a bowl of stew, Elyza had regained some of the flush in her cheeks. 

She still looked exhausted. 

Alicia still thought she was beautiful. 

“Hey.” Elyza reached out, taking Alicia’s hand in hers. 

She let Elyza pull her closer, climbing onto the bed to lean against the wall at Elyza’s side.

Alicia was sure she looked exhausted too. 

They sat there for a moment, Alicia running her thumb across the back of Elyza’s hand. 

It was Elyza’s voice that disturbed the silence.

“Do you want to talk about them?” Elyza’s question was a whisper. 

Of course she wouldn’t forget. Of course, even though she’d almost died, Elyza wouldn’t forget what Alicia lost. 

Her family. 

Gone. 

Dead. 

“I…” Alicia didn’t know what to say. “I don’t think it’s hit me yet. Not really.” 

It felt like it already happened. Like she’d said goodbye long ago. And yet, she could feel the pain surge within her when she thought of the bodies pressed against the window. She held two types of pain—one new and one old, twisted amongst too much death. 

Alicia pieced together a few of her thoughts in Elyza’s silence, enough to press on. “I know they’re gone. I think part of me knew it already… somehow. But—” 

“But it doesn’t make it a damn bit easier.” 

“No. And why were they in there? How did they get trapped? I don’t know what happened to them and I just, I just don’t…” Alicia felt tears pricking at her eyes again. “There’s just so much I don’t understand.”

Her family. 

Her dreams. 

How dreams felt more like memories. 

Elyza didn’t say anything. She was patient, waiting, and Alicia could sense something lurking behind her lips, as if there was something Elyza fought to hold back. 

With a whisper, Elyza released it. “When my dad died, I didn’t know how I’d get through it.” 

Alicia watched as Elyza stared toward the other side of the room, lost in whatever memories cast a dark glint in her eye. 

“I wore his watch for the longest time to remind me of him.”—Elyza looked down as if she expected it to be there. Her wrist was bare—“Then I lost more people I loved. It feels… different now, but it’s still there. It still hurts.” 

Elyza’s eyes closed, fighting back tears. 

“You must miss your family now too, I’m sorry.” Alicia said, wiping the water from her own cheeks. 

“They…” Elyza’s voice was tight. Strained. “They feel so far away.” 

Alicia knew it in the way the words fell, knew it deep within her that Elyza did not just mean in distance. 

“They’ll always be with you.” The words were out of Alicia’s mouth like an echo of a thought she barely registered. 

Elyza let out a choked sound, an attempt at a laugh. “You know, when you say it, it feels like it’s true.”

The tear perched at the edge of Elyza’s eye finally spilled over, running down her cheek and catching a glint of the candle’s light. 

Alicia reached to wipe it away. Elyza covered Alicia’s hand with her own, holding it against her cheek for just a moment. 

“You saved my life.” 

A thanks. 

A reminder. 

Elyza was still there. 

Alicia felt the corner of her mouth twitch toward a grin. 

“Like I said, I couldn’t leave you.”

“Again.”

Alicia felt her brow crease in confusion. 

“You said you couldn’t leave me again.” Elyza looked away, staring into the small flame dancing beside her. “So tell me, when did you leave me before?”

“I…” Alicia searched for anything to say, anything at all. But _she_ hadn’t been the betrayer. She hadn’t left blue eyes brimming with tears standing alone. She hadn’t left Clarke. She hadn’t been the one who cried herself to sleep as soon as she was alone that night. She hadn’t felt the ache for weeks, the guilt. 

It wasn’t her lips that gave an apology that would never be enough. 

But she felt each pain like the warrior in her dreams.

“I don’t know.” 

The taste of the lie sat heavily in Alicia's mouth as Elyza slowly turned, blue eyes meeting green.

“Then why did you call me Clarke?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So begins the end! Whether or not that end is the end of the whole thing or just part 1, well.... let me know if you're more interested in an epilogue or a part 2. Full disclosure, part 2 would take a while. 
> 
> Leave me a comment here or [find me on Tumblr](beecharmerwrites.tumblr.com)


	16. Chapter 16

Alicia’s breath caught. 

Clarke. 

She knew the name had fallen from her dreams, pulled from memories she couldn’t explain. 

_Memories._

“I…” Her heart pounded as she stared into those blue eyes. 

“Why did you call me that?” Elyza’s voice cracked as she turned to stare straight ahead. 

Alicia could see the fear in her eyes, could sense how Elyza had tensed next to her. 

Too scared, too unable to gather the words she needed to explain what she’d been seeing, feeling when she’d called a different name, Alicia asked,“What did you mean when you said you knew me?” 

Elyza’s breath hitched. It was the only sound in the room other than quiet, barely there crackling of their candles. 

The silence fell heavy around Alicia. Full of expectation. Of fear. 

“You’ve had the dreams too, haven’t you?

Alicia hesitated. Scared. Terrified. 

_Too. You’ve had the dreams too._

She let her doubts slip away. “Yes.” 

Elyza leaned her head against the wall and Alicia longed to reach out to touch Elyza, to see if she was real, if _this_ was real. But she feared any movement, any touch would break whatever was unraveling between them. 

“When did yours start?” Alicia asked, barely a whisper. 

“The ones about Clarke? Or the ones about you?” 

_You._

Alicia nearly laughed. It was impossible. What she and Elyza were talking about was impossible. 

And yet, Alicia could not bring herself to insist Elyza’s dreams, whatever they might be, weren’t about her. 

She knew it, deep down, that the blue eyes in her dreams were the same she stared into now. 

“Both.” 

Elyza took a deep breath before responding. “It was a few nights after the airport was shut down and people began panicking when I had my first dream. I was on a space station, then I wasn’t. God, it was like I could actually feel the wind for the first time. I woke up and would’ve sworn I was in a forest. 

“Then every night I had more dreams, but they were all easy to ignore. Until…”

“Until me?” 

“Yeah.”

Alicia watched as Elyza’s brow creased as if she was searching for the right words to describe what she would say next. 

Alicia understood. She couldn’t explain it either. 

“You asked me why I saved you that day.” Elyza said. “That was the first time one of the dreams happened when I was awake. I saw you running and all of a sudden it was like a… daydream? I don’t know. Have you had those or do yours only happen when you’re sleeping?”

With a slow nod, Alicia said, “They’ve been happening more and more during the day.” 

Alicia started to continue, started to explain what she saw—what she felt—when she was fighting through the horde to save Elyza. But Elyza was the one who’d found her momentum first. 

“When I saw you running, I had this dream, vision, memory, or whatever the hell they are about a girl running through the woods at my side. She’d saved me when all of her people seemed to want me dead. You looked just like her. You _look_ just like her. Maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was something else, but I don’t think I even knew what I was doing before I was breaking into the store to get you out. I had to do something, I had to keep you safe. ” 

Elyza took a deep breath. “Then as soon as you were with me, the dreams got more vivid and started happening more often. They became a hell of a lot harder to ignore. What about yours?”

Alicia answered, “Mine didn’t start until I was with you. The first night at your house, I dreamed…”

Fighting. Black blood. 

“I was in the middle of a battle. There was another woman there. Not Clarke. Not… you.” 

“Anya.” Elyza threw the name out as if it were the most normal thing she’d ever experienced. 

As Alicia heard the name, she saw more. As if it were a key to things locked away. She saw rare laughter, training sessions that stretched into the night. She saw a mentor, a friend. 

Then she felt the loss of her too, felt the way it twisted her expression.

“I’m sorry.” Elyza’s apology was full of regret. For the loss of her family. For the loss of the woman from Alicia’s dreams. Elyza knew.

Alicia’s eyes widened. “How do you—?” 

“She showed up in mine too. Clarke was with her when it happened. And I still can’t piece together everything, but I think she was more important to you than just another warrior, but not like…” 

Staring straight ahead, Alicia continued, too scared to focus on how Elyza spoke with such conviction, on how the way she kept referring to Alicia as the same woman in her own dreams. On how she knew about the other figures in her dreams.

“When I woke up after that dream, my hand still hurt, but my arm did too. Right where I—where she—had been injured in the dream. I kept looking at my skin expecting there to be a scar, expecting something, but I didn’t see anything. And the blood…” 

Elyza swallowed visibly. “I know.” 

Alicia fell silent as she thought of the times Clarke saw skin smeared with black. She moved then to touch Elyza, to feel her against her. Alicia needed it. When their shoulders rested against each other’s and their fingers were entwined once more, Alicia knew Elyza needed it too. 

“The first time I saw you in the dreams was after that night we kissed.”

At that, Alicia saw Elyza’s lips quirk toward a smile. 

It was met with one of her own. 

Alicia let her grin go, let it spread until she felt the lightness weave through her. She laughed as she allowed the ridiculous question to finally flow passed her lips, “You don’t think they’re dreams, do you?” 

Elyza shrugged. “No. And I don’t think you do either.”

Alicia shifted on the bed, sitting across from Elyza. She needed to see her more, needed to watch the expressions dancing across Elyza’s face. She needed to know the things Elyza said were real. 

“You talk like this makes sense.”

Elyza sighed. “It doesn’t. But when I’m with you… the things I feel, the things I remember…” 

It was a while before Elyza said anything else. 

Alicia didn’t push. Instead, she watched. She watched as her fingertips ran over Elyza’s knuckles, how Elyza stiffened every time she tried to move her injured arm. She watched as Elyza straightened, ready to speak. 

Elyza’s voice was steady. Rooted in something that gave her strength. “I… Maybe this is ridiculous. Maybe I’m crazy, but…” 

“She’s you.”—Alicia nodded to herself—“Or you’re her. Whichever it is.” 

Elyza huffed a laugh. “Somehow, yeah. There are things I can do when I know I shouldn’t be able to do them. I didn’t pick up a gun until all this happened. I barely knew anything about medicine.” 

“I know what you mean.” 

Elyza took Alicia’s hand in hers, tracing over the fresh scar she’d received the first day they met. “The way you fight. You’re getting that from her.” 

Alicia exhaled slowly, as if the affirmation were a weight slipping from her shoulders. “Yes.”

“It’s hot as hell.” Elyza smirked. “No matter how I see it.” 

With a slight smile, Alicia blushed. 

_The pain was clear in Clarke’s eyes._

_Fear._

_She couldn’t hope for more._

_Wouldn’t._

_Not now._

_She could only be The Commander._

_“You’ve never seen me fight”._

__“That was one of them, wasn’t it?” Elyza asked._ _

__Alicia barely recognized it, had barely understood the quick scene that played out in her memory._ _

__“I think so. I…”—Alicia felt her brow crease—“They’re getting shorter now.”_ _

__“Mine did that for a bit, right before we first met. I only got flashes of it. You in candlelight. The Commander at my side. Then they got more detailed.”_ _

__Alicia ran her hands through her hair, massaging her temples. She knew it didn’t make sense, knew what she and Elyza discussed was impossible. And yet she felt the acceptance deep within her unraveling, flowing through her veins with each passing second, with each shared memory._ _

__Elyza’s voice lowered and her eyes turned away._ _

__Alicia knew, too, she would not like what Elyza said next._ _

__“The more painful memories came after we kissed.” Elyza wove their fingers together as if she needed to anchor Alicia to her. “I know why you told me you could not leave me again. I’ve seen the first time. At the mountain.”_ _

__Swallowing before she spoke, Alicia said, “The regret was one of the first things I felt. The first dream where I saw you, there was so much else happening and I could still only think of how I betrayed you.”_ _

__“I hope you got to the part where I forgave you.”_ _

__Alicia shrugged. Yes, she knew forgiveness had been given._ _

__She still felt the regret._ _

__Elyza was quiet for a minute before she asked, “Do you believe in soul mates?”_ _

__“I would have told you no before. I would have told you it was bullshit, actually.” Alicia answered._ _

__“Still a better line than ‘love is weakness’.”_ _

__Alicia cringed at Elyza’s teasing. She felt why the words had been said, felt the pain behind them and the walls built to keep it from happening again._ _

__“…You might not have seen that part yet, I’m sorry.” Elyza added._ _

__Shaking her head, Alicia responded. “No, I… that night you woke me up from a nightmare? I was dreaming about what they did to her. It’s weird, I feel the pain of losing someone so close to me and I thought when I saw my family, it would be different. It should be, right?”_ _

__Elyza said nothing._ _

__“So then why does it feel like I lost them so long ago too?” Alicia asked quietly._ _

__Alicia leaned into Elyza’s hand as it rested against her cheek._ _

__“I don’t know, but it’s the same for me.” Elyza said. “The things from my life. This life, I guess. They get muddled in with Clarke’s memories. Some things overlap, but not a lot. I feel both lives. I just… they don’t feel settled yet.”_ _

__Turning slightly, Alicia placed a kiss in Elyza’s palm. “That’s exactly it. I feel her, but I still feel like me. These dreams or whatever, it’s like they get placed next to other memories.”_ _

__“One life’s memories right next to another’s.”_ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__Elyza’s eyes started to fill with tears._ _

__Alicia took her face in her hands, tucking away stray locks of hair. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”_ _

__“Kiss me. Please.” Elyza whispered, head tilting toward Alicia._ _

__Alicia could do nothing but oblige._ _

__Elyza’s lips quivered under her own. “You’re here. You’re really here.”_ _

__“I’m sorry.” Alicia said, a ghost of pain lancing through her abdomen._ _

__“That was the worst memory. The night you…”_ _

__“Shh.” Alicia pulled her closer, held Elyza to her. She’d left Elyza—no, she’d left Clarke—in too many ways. She wanted her to know she would not do so again. “That’s the nightmare you were having before we…”_ _

__Even with her tears, Elyza smiled slightly as Alicia referred to the night they’d spent with limbs entwined and the taste of each other on their lips. “It was. But you woke me up and you were still there and, god, you looked so beautiful.”_ _

__Alicia kissed her again. She could feel Elyza’s tears on her cheeks, could feel the still ragged breaths, but when she tried to pull away, Elyza followed, unwilling to let the kiss end. Alicia let herself get lost in it._ _

__It felt so right kissing her, letting Elyza push her back onto the bed, letting Elyza’s lift her shirt to reach the intact flesh of her stomach._ _

__She was here._ _

__Moments later, Elyza broke the kiss, unable to support her own weight on her bad arm. Alicia gently laid her on her back, urging her to relax with soft kisses._ _

__“The first night you were in bed at my side. You dreamed of me. You said her name.” As her own hands began to wander toward the hem of Elyza’s shirt, Alicia leaned in so her words came out as nothing but a breath against Elyza’s ear. “I want to hear you say it again.”_ _

__Elyza—Clarke—took a shaky breath, the rasp in her voice growing more pronounced as she spoke._ _

__“Lexa.”_ _

__She heard the name, felt it begin to weave her memories together, felt it course through her. She could not stop herself from kissing Elyza again, from needing her bare skin under her hands._ _

__Elyza seemed to need it too._ _

__She was gentle, mindful of the exhaustion she and Elyza shared, mindful of the pain Elyza was in. But they needed each other. Their need was said with hands and lips, with kisses and moans. They anchored themselves in each other, shed tears of disbelief and acceptance._ _

__When they could no longer fight their exhaustion, Alicia rested her head on Elyza’s bare chest._ _

__“So what do we do now?” Elyza asked._ _

__Alicia placed a soft kiss on the skin between Elyza’s breasts. “I don’t know for sure, but I think you told me once, somewhere, that maybe when we no longer owed anything to our people…”_ _

__Elyza smiled. “It’s just us now.”_ _

__“Then let it be just us.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you've been waiting on this moment for a while so I hope it's everything you wanted. This was always the planned end for this fic, but I couldn't help myself so there's a little epilogue in the works I'll have up next week. 
> 
> Thank all of you for reading <3 
> 
> As always, you can leave me a comment here or [find me on Tumblr](beecharmerwrites.tumblr.com)


	17. Epilogue

It had been an easy choice. They’d talked about their options, acted as if they might have chosen anything else. The decision was inevitable. 

Days turned into weeks as they built up their stock of supplies for the journey. They both knew whatever they loaded the truck with wouldn’t be enough, but they gathered what they could. Whenever the opportunity presented itself, they scavenged for more. 

Wrecked cars with tanks of gas kept them going. 

Abandoned stores kept them fed. 

They’d fought the dead. Lexa kept them safe. 

Alicia knew each broken skull made Elyza nervous, knew no matter their promises of always coming back, each night would turn into a celebration of another day of life. 

They’d shared their memories as they happened. There were times when memories made no sense to the other but they found familiarity far more likely. 

They found themselves slipping into conversations they’d already had. 

They had them again. 

Elyza—Clarke—missed Lexa’s tattoos. 

Alicia found a marker the next day and spent hours letting Elyza draw on her bare skin once they’d found shelter for the night. 

Alicia told storied of her family—the one lost in this life and the one she remembered so little of—until the pain of her loss became manageable. Elyza made it easier, sharing her own pain, old and new. 

There was one heartache never discussed. Elyza had mentioned it once after the first night they’d shared their memories. Alicia had stopped her with a smile and a teasing “don’t you talk about anything but my death?”

Elyza, with tears in her eyes, had laughed. 

Alicia kissed her. 

_In peace may you leave the shore._

_In love may you find the next._

They’d done little else the rest of the evening. 

When they eventually reached the forests, Alicia felt herself settle even more, felt Lexa weave tighter into her memories. She loved it, loved the stability found with the fresh air and smell of pine needles and leaf rot. 

Elyza seemed more comfortable too. And that made Alicia love it even more. 

Each day spent among the trees slowed their progress. With mist hugging the mountains each morning they awoke, they did not mind. 

Supplies were replenished, added to. 

More memories came. 

At times, nightmares too. 

From a steadying hand or a soft kiss, comfort came each time.

A cabin overlooking a stream offered comfort of a different sort. 

They’d known from the beginning the city would be too dangerous. It wouldn’t be the city they remembered anyway. But the trees? The trees were where they were happy to find their home. 

Hunting had grown easy. Alicia surprised Elyza every day with a new skill she was unaware of. Elyza had a few of her own and the first time it was Elyza’s snare providing dinner, Alicia couldn’t stop the swell of pride within her. As ridiculous as she knew it to be. 

They each held enough knowledge to make the cabin safe. To make it their home. 

A fortress all their own. 

Quiet. 

Peaceful.

“There’s something I never got to tell you.” Alicia had said as they sat outside under the stars. 

Elyza rested in Alicia’s lap, eyes dancing from the shapes in the sky to the warm of Alicia’s gaze.

“I tried to say it before, but…”—Alicia took a deep breath as a strand of hair was tucked behind her ear—“But I never thought I could be this happy. And then you kissed me and it was everything I thought I could never have. Clarke was everything.” 

“So are you.” Elyza said with voice softened by so many nights together. 

Tears began to form in Alicia’s eyes. 

“I never thought I would get the chance to tell you… And I know things are a little different now, but I need to tell you. I should have said it before.” 

Elyza smiled and Alicia’s words were freed. 

“I love you, Clarke.”

“And what about Elyza?” 

Alicia leaned down to place a kiss on Elyza’s forehead. “You’re still you. No matter what past you have, I know without a doubt I will always fall for you.”

“Good, because I love you too.” 

They moved together, soft lips and tender hands. 

Stars met Earth. 

Again. 

And Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and nothing but sweet!
> 
> Thank you again to everyone who stuck with me on this project. I'm working on the next fic, but I won't be able to say no if you send some one shot ideas my way on [Tumblr](http://beecharmerwrites.tumblr.com) (this link actually works!)


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